What the f ....?

Quotes from the media on a second autopsy have been now been denied ... though apparently the murder is still a clear, if confusing, one! Dare I suggest that Mark Shields stops talking to the press. Cream was concerned after seeing an interview he did for Sky where he is sitting very casually on a doorstep with the reporter ... a bit too familiar and a tad unprofessional. Can you imagine Sir Ian Blair doing the same?? Don't think so.

Anyhow my head is reeling. The lastest development changes as often as the British weather!

I can see clearly now ...

Cream keeps telling the guys at work about my twisted theories. Bob Woolmer being the latest and prior to that Nisha Patel-Nasri (I insisted that the hubby may not have been completely innocent) ... and they seem to keep coming true so they now ask him what Mystic Meg has predicted this week.

Anyhow it seems I am not the only one thinking Bob Woolmer may not have been murdered. Reports are that now a second autopsy is to be held to "re-confirm" the initial finding. Nonetheless Shields apparently tells reporters that "There is very clear evidence of murder."

Right ... so clear that it took you and your officers how long to announce that it was murder and why the need now for a second autopsy? Perhaps I should offer my services to Mr Shields or send him my crystal ball!

Stop drinking the water ...

I was reminded today of a wonderful play I saw many moons ago starring Peter O'Toole, who I have had a soft spot for ever since seeing his performance as Don Quixote singing "The Impossible Dream" ... Anyway I digress .. the play was entitled "Jeffrey Bernard is unwell". Jeffrey Bernard being a columnist for the Spectator and the title referred to the magazine's habit of printing a one-line apology when he was too drunk or hung-over to write his regular column.

Now you may well ask why I was reminded of this play today ... I spied a report that Freddie Flintoff is unwell. The team was at pains to confirm that apparently the food in Guyana, on the South American continent, is slightly different from the Caribbean islands England have visited so far in the World Cup.

Yeah right ... nothing to do with the drinking the water then?

What the smurf?

Bless him ... poor Cream got likened to a smurf today and had to ask me what that was ... I'm amazed that he doesn't know but after reminiscing about my childhood I showed him a couple of pictures.

So what's the similarity I hear you ask ... I think it is probably because you never see Cream or a smurf without their woolly hat on!

Dangerous Re-enactments

Dad wasn't swayed by my observations. "No ... it was definitely murder" he pips up "because of the vomit and he had a broken jaw" "Dad where did you hear that?" "I was there" he says with a dismissive wake of his arm. "What do you know?"

A heated discussion ensued resulting in several members of the family trying to re-enact the last moments of Bob. "The hitman could have been a martial arts expert, a black belt ... maybe he just twisted his neck like this and killed him ... like in the movies."

Cream who has been playing the part of Bob looks worried at this point ... Dad you have been watching way too many asian movies!

Elementary my dear Woolmer?

Am I the only one who has now come back full circle on the Bob Woolmer tragedy. Given everything I am now of the belief that this whole incident is just one of those freak accidents that can look like murder ... Could it be possible that he fell ill, vomited in the bathroom, fell and hit his neck on a toilet or the sink and ended up knocking himself unconscious and unable to breathe.

Does this sound unlikely?? Is it more believable that someone, perhaps someone he knew, killed him because of a row over losing a cricket match, or a match-fixing mafia consortium put a hit out on him, that this person or persons came into the secure hotel, walked past the reception, all under CCTV, got into the lift with or without a swipe card, got off on the 12th floor, came into his room, through the door or balcony without leaving any trace, subdued a rather large man, without any signs of struggle, and than strangled him to death leaving him in a pool of vomit and a gash on his face? This person or persons then took the time to fake two emails one at 3am to his wife and the other at 6am resigning as coach before leaving the hotel probably in the same manner in which they arrived.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Fan or Fanatic?

I know that there is a lot of talk at the moment about how volatile and passionate cricket fans can be, especially in Asia it is said. Proof of this has been provided with journalists reporting that the streets of Pakistan were ringing with the cries of "Death to Inzamam and Bob" after the shock defeat of Pakistan by the Irish. Since his untimely demise however, nothing but kind words have been spoken by everyone and he is even to be posthumously awarded the "Star of Excellence" by Pakistan.

Let me confirm that I am not defending this erratic behaviour in any way ... I know cricket is almost a religion in Pakistan ... if they win the team are proclaimed superhero's ... if they lose, they are treated like flea ridden dogs ... That's life and cricket in Pakistan.

What I would like to do though is remind the world that this fanatisicsm is not isolated to Pakistan. It was not that long ago that effigies of David Beckham were being hung around towns in England after he was blamed for the team being kicked out of the Football World Cup.

We are not so different after all.

Doodling

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A Goliath Apology

Sorry to have doubted you man ... You were right ... someone did murder Bob Woolmer. My next question to you of course is "where were you on the night in question?"

But seriously what an awful way to go. The reports of manual strangulation are strange ... they say there were no outwardly signs ... I've watched CSI and wonder whether Jerry Bruckheimer is lying about the whole bruises on the neck, measuring hand sizes, epitherals etc. Are they sure about the strangulation thing ... no signs of struggle, big man, goes down without a fight??

And how exactly does taking the Pakistani cricket teams fingerprints eliminate them ... does this mean they have found suspicious fingerprints somewhere in the room?

The only other thing that doesn't add up is the vomit??? Did he vomit after being strangled. I ain't never heard of that before! Which means he must have vomited before the attack ... Which leads to more questions ...

I hope this is resolved quickly but poor Woolmer and his family will never get rid of the ghost of his manner of departure. I'd like to remember him in happier times ...

Why us?

What is it about Pakistan at the moment ... we seem to be forever in the news for all the wrong reasons.

The whole Bob Woolmer incident is a clear example ... nothing is ever simple when Pakistan is involved. I hope for his own sake it was a simple heart attack rather than the numerous rumours now circulating around the world such as the match-rigging mafia hit or suicide theories. The whole Pakistani cricket team have had to had their finger prints taken just in case.

Other great Pakistan links in the news today ... three "7/7 linked terrorists" arrested before boarding a plane to ... go on ... take a guess ... could be anywhere right ... nope ... to Pakistan! You'd have thought that if they really were true terrorists that they might have tried to hidden the fact ... taking a direct flight to Pakistan nowadays is just asking for trouble!

Have I given birth to a Monica Geller?

Bless the little blighter ... came home from work dog tired, took off my boots and left them in the kitchen. Five minutes later I see Zoo hauling one of my boots over to the front door and placing it in the shoe rack. After that he returned for the second boot and lovingly placed it on top of the other.

Cream has also been told in no uncertain terms that untidiness will not be tolerated. After showering he made the mistake of leaving a wet towel on a chair. Zoo promptly picked it up with a big sigh, tottered over to the bathroom and with dramatic aplomb dumps it in it's rightful place.

I wouldn't mind ... but he doesn't seem to spot his own toys scattered around the front room!

Imitation is the best form of flattery

It's amazing how quickly kids grow up and how quickly they learn by imitation. At 15 months Zoo is a dab hand with the Sky remote control and can press buttons quite efficiently. He doesn't have any idea of which buttons he is pressing but he knows that he should be pointing the remote control at the TV at the same time!!

I'm not sure he quite understands it's limitations though ... I found him pointing it at his grandfather today and desperately pressing buttons!

Friends in high places?

Had to go into the centre of town today and forgot about the wind chill factor and temperamental weather ... Got caught in a snow flurry but as I walked past the Houses of Parliament the snowflakes disappeared. Gordon Brown obviously had stern words with someone in high places.

Global warming ... I wish!

It's Spring ... we have had a week of glorious sunshine if just a bit nippy .. Life feels so much better when the sun is shining. So when I heard reports that it was going to snow at the weekend, I didn't believe it. But there it was ... a snow flurry on Sunday night ... just got home in time to be able to enjoy it from the warmth of the bedroom. And then again today ... twice ... whilst sitting at my desk at work, with the sun gleaming in through the window ... we had to turn on the air conditioning coz it was getting hot in the office and then someone yells "It's snowing!!" and sure enough you could see the sun bouncing off each snowflake as it fell. Drove home in the rain tonight and watched the rain turn to sleet and then huge snowflakes as they battered against the windscreen. God only knows what the weather will hold for us tomorrow?

Bob Woolmer RIP

Goliath just rang me ... asked me whether I had heard about Bob Woolmer ... Of course I have I respond, the Pakistani cricket coach ... what has he resigned coz we lost to the Irish? Pointless his contract ends in June anyway.

"No mate, he's dead!" ... After I realised he wasn't kidding ... I thought traumatic loss, elderly coach ... must have been a heart attack. But Goliath tells me he was apparently found in his hotel room lying in a pool of blood and vomit.

"They killed him mate!" ... The conspiracy theories begin ...

"You do have a mother?" Part II

It is obviously a postie trait ... after telling my husband that he needn't worry as I was sending both my mother and his mother their Mothers Day flowers ... and after the whole flowers fiasco yesterday you would have thought that that was a sufficient hint to the husband.

I wake up on Mothers Day ... I have a little lie in on Sundays anyway and wake up to ... wait for it ... nothing ... no card, no chocolates, no flowers ... not even a bloody apology. It was 12 noon when I finally flipped as the realisation hit me that there was no surprise Mothers Day gift hidden anywhere ... the bugger obviously thought that the kid should have broken into his money box and bought a card himself.

The Postman Always Rings Twice ...

Two years running, Royal Mail have screwed it up. Last year I ordered some flowers to be delivered from Zoo to both his grandmothers and the lunatic postie dropped a card through the door on the Saturday and told my mum to pick up her flowers on Monday. When I heard I dashed down, Zoo in tow, picked up the card and mum, dashed to the delivery office and complained that the luny must realise that it is Mothering Sunday tomorrow and that the flowers would be useless on Monday!! Anyhow .. lesson learnt I vowed not to use Royal Mail again.

This year found a website that provided a guaranteed courier delivery between 8am - 3pm on Saturday. Great .. ordered for the both Mums. Creams mum rang ... got her's ... loved them. Dad rang 9.30am ... the postman had dropped a "I've missed you" card through the door and they've been in all morning ... Nothing to do with me. Then I thought I better check ... Rang the florist ... yes we send them by Royal Mail Special Delivery. AAARRRGGGHHH!!! Explained the situation to them and they provided me with a refund on the delivery cost as I would have to go down and get the flowers myself.

My husband who is a postie himself at another office tried to calm me down as I prepared to do the same dash as I did last year but by this point I was a raving lunatic. I stormed into the office and basically told the deputy manager that I thought the driver was a lazy, good for nothing and he had screwed it up two years running. They said they couldn't locate the flowers or the guy responsible so he must still be on his rounds. I said "Great you can bloody well ring him then and tell him to deliver the flowers then" "Oh .. um ... we don't have his number." I looked at them in disbelief ... "What no-one here has his mobile number ... what's his name Billy No-Mates?"

Eventually they found his mobile number and asked his "wife" to tell him to get back to the office if he should contact her ... which he was obviously going to do with the mobile he had left at home with his wife ... Things just didn't add up ... I wasn't happy ... anyway they asked me to take a seat and not five minutes later he miraculously turned up.

He seemed a little vacant when I explained the situation to him. "I did try to deliver them ... no one answered the door I waited five minutes ... I even tapped on the window in case the doorbell wasn't working. I definitely took it down ... I mean I had to deliver something to their next door neighbours!" .... I paused .. "It's Mothering Sunday tomorrow, you have a delivery of flowers, if my mum hadn't answered the door, did it occur to you at any point that you could have left them with the next door neighbours?? .. "Oh...." He stared blankly at me ...

I still wasn't sure whether the penny had dropped ... perhaps Mothers Day had passed him by ... "You do have a mother?" I asked ...

Best of both worlds?

Working just three and a half days a week ... most people would think that it was a doddle. Bloody part-timers I hear you say ... In reality I am actually working full time ... the other day and a half a week is actually annual leave that I am entitled to and as such there is no one else to pick up from where I have left off ... no one to help out on the days I'm not there ... just a pile of more work when I return. In reality you end up working extra just to try to make up for the time you aren't there. Working part-time hours can be the worse of both worlds rather than the best!!

Being approachable and understanding can be a pain I can tell you ... But then I can't complain too much ... today I was told that "manager's forget what it's like to work frontline ... but thank god you're not like that!"

They do realise and appreciate how much work I have undertaken and are trying to come up with suggestions of how to lessen my load. Bless them ... we'll battle on together.

When dysfuntionality is advantageous

Forgot to mention ... have now completed four weeks at the new job. A lot of work still to be done but I am enjoying it amazingly! The Big Boss came round to see me last week and asked "So how are things going?" I think he was genuinely surprised when I said I was enjoying the challenge and when I asked why he seemed so anxious, he explained that by this point previous occupants of the role had given up the will to live.

Someone (I cannot disclose who!) said I should have mentioned the fact that the reason I was still sane must have something to do with having being brought up in a dysfunctional household.

No such thing as a free lunch

Just after I was so pleased with my map of the world and preparing for world domination, I get an email from NeoWorx reminding me that this was just a free 14 day trial of their premium version and I will lose some features tomorrow. I thought I had registered for the free one!!

The main feature I lose is the ability to see past visitors on the map! Clever little bunnies at NeoWorx ... only way to keep their little yellow dots on the map will be to cough up hard cash. Sounds a bit too much like blackmail to me!

So having searched the net for a similar product have found a free version of the same thing. As long as I don't go over 25,000 visitors a day, it remains free. Well I'd be lucky to get more than 5 visitors a day I think, so I should be safe in this parallel universe.

The Usual Suspects

Visa and Vertigo are concerned that I may have inadvertedly blown their cover by fully declaring my sources and posting actual emails. They are concerned that some crazed lunatic will be able to identify them, track them down and ... well I'm not sure what they think the luny is going to do to them but that's not the point. They are in danger! I suspect that they have been reading too many conspiracy articles as have I but nonetheless I respect their views on this one.

I mean it's pretty serious when your own sis has to go into the witness protection scheme. This does mean that she will be given a new identity, moved and will no longer be allowed to directly or indirectly contact me or any of her family and friends. I learnt this from watching CSI-Miami ... hmm ... well I can't complain too much on that front.

Of course the only down side to the whole thing is with her now incommunicado I won't be able to give her the lovely birthday present I bought her! Shame that.

How many police officers does it take to ...

OK ... we've all seen the news today ... started off as an alleged horrific abuse of power by a racist police officer. When I actually saw the footage ... not just the ten seconds showing him hitting the woman, (by afternoon young mother/by evening teenager), but the full length version, I actually thought what the hell is all the fuss about.

So he was trying to subdue her by deadening her arm ... I don't think you can class it as a racist attack ... he spent a fair while chasing her, calming her down, chasing her again, trying to handcuff her. And anyone who has had to try to change a resisting toddlers nappy single-handed will testify that that is hard enough, let alone if you have a nineteen year old thrashing around.

She also alleges that she had an epileptic fit in the club which was why she was turfed out (as opposed to having an ambulance called for her) and why she decided to go attack the parked car of one of the employees of the club ... an obvious post epileptic fit side effect. And although she can't remember she says she may have had a fit on the ground while they were subduing her (explains why she was flinging her arms around then but not the speedy recovery.)

To round it off she claims she suffered bruises on her arm, neck and head .... Now I haven't seen these bruises myself but who am I to question whether she could have got these from the fits she had? Could these have been caused by the fact that she flung herself down the stairs in an effort to get away from the copper. Could these have occurred when she seems to turn and smack him and he loses his hat whilst desperately trying to cling on to her and falls on top of her?

Her last complaint about the indignity of having her trousers down at her ankles ... As she is walked away towards an awaiting van they clearly fall. Let me point out that I'm not at all surprised at seeing her trousers fall, especially given the manner in which the youth of today wear their trousers!! But she is walking, she's not even dragged, she lifts her legs and allows the two officers to take her weight and carry her to the van.

All I can say is that I have studied the police tactics closely and Zoo ... you better beware!!

Big Sister ... If you can't beat them, join them

"Just seen your blog......need I say more? How the hell did you manage to keep your mouth shut as a Samaritan? Needless to say we've had a good day again...but that's all you need to know! Or I'm prepared to divulge to the blog! Love as always Vertigo"

In response to this message I would just like to say:

1. that if you speak to me as a Samaritan then I provide a strictly confidential, non-judgemental listening service ... if on the other hand you talk to me as my sister without any "this is strictly confidential" clause then it's free speech so stop trying to gag me!! I have rights you know.

2. you aren't gonna believe who else has started a blog ... yes Goliath now has a blog called The Real Office ... quoted me as his muse. How sweet is that ... and to top it all he's bloody hilarious ... we are obviously related.

So Vertigo ... when you starting your own blog!!

Message from Big Sister

It seems I have been censored from showing any more pics of orangutans and Vertigo wants to take credit for some of my postings too! Well, just to be safe on this occassion I shall acknowledge in full my source on this posting!

"Dear Xzsara & Goliath

Had a wonderful day today and finally saw some orangs. No wonder they are nearly extinct. They probably dehydrate with all that hair. We had to take a 15 minute mountainous climb into the jungle forest to see them and were at least 2lbs lighter! Anyway Fabulous. Visa's outside on the balcony taking sunset pictures whilst I'm in here sipping sangria & writing you this email.

Nice to see that my little brother still loves me enough to text me and try and ring me to check the earthquake hadn't got me. Or did you have an eye on my car? Didn't really make the news here. Wouldn't have known about it apart from the texts I received & then checking it out on the internet. Anyway we decided that if there were going to be any aftershocks the best way to spend the evening would be sipping cocktails at the beach bar. So we sampled the margaritas, dakiris, tequilla sunrise & finally a pina colada. Nearly forgot, also tried a singapore sling but won't be making that mistake again. All alcohol free of course. Visa even made it up for a 7am round of golf. Needless to say I was still having meaningful relations with my pillow.

Looking forward to opening my birthday cards and pressies on my return. Bought the boys a little momento of my day with the orangs. Hope they like them. Am sending you a couple of pics......they're copyrighted so no unauthorised publications on your blog Xzsara. I read that you were feeling lonely in blog world....could that be anything to do with the fact that you keep blabbing on the blog as soon as someone tells you a humourous tale? Who needs HELLO magazine with you around?

Oops, running out of sangria......where is that waiter?

Lots of Love

Big Sis"

Conspiracy theories

Perhaps I have been spending too much time on the net recently but it seems that each blog I read leads me further into the world of conspiracy theorists. So I thought I would mention a couple that have caused me to raise an eyebrow recently ...

1. The twin towers and WTC7 were demolished professionally. Nothing new here .. I've heard this one before.
2. Apparently on both 9/11 and 7/7 a drill was being carried out reflecting the exact same situation that actually arose. What a strange coincidence?
3. The BBC reported that WTC7 collapsed a full 23 minutes before it actually did.

Now point 3 is interesting, even more so now that I have read an official response to the claims. When I first heard this and watched the video I must admit I simply thought, ok ... it's a horrendous day, people are panicking, rumours are spreading like wildfire, statements can get twisted and quoted out of context. The simplest explanation was that the twin towers had already collapsed and word on the street was that WTC7 was also on fire as per the other two and so there was a fair chance that it too would collapse. I assumed that this message got twisted and by the time it got to the BBC reporter, it had escalated into a story that it had indeed collapsed. Easy explanation.

But the explanation given by the BBC seems to have has just fueled speculation that they are involved in some way or that someone with knowledge that it was set to implode pre-warned them especially with comments such as "We no longer have the original tapes of our 9/11 coverage" ... come on ... just like the Americans who declared that there was no onboard recording of the blue on blue incident, for it to mysteriously be leaked to the public recently?

The whole world seems to have seen the video on youtube and yet the BBC haven't kept a copy of their broadcast from the day which changed the world!! Doh!!

Blogarrhoea???

Ok .. I know I try to keep my blog updated at least once every couple of days ... I realise that I have been severly neglecting it .. But I am amazed at just how much time some people have on their hands ... one blog I have been checking on regularly is The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs

Friggin hell ... the guy is prolific .. only today he has posted on nine seperate occasions! Go count them ... nine!?!! He must be on some blog viagra or something!

Are co-op encouraging cleptomania?

Took the little one for a walk to the shops today .. for some banana's. Took about ten minutes just to get to the top of the road but to be fair to him he does have little legs!

We eventually got to the local co-op and I introduced Zoo to the friendly shop manager. VJ shook his hand firmly and pointed him in the direction of the fruit. Zoo decided to help out by carrying one banana for me, (a bunch was too heavy) and we made our way to the checkout. I passed over our items for weighing and scanning and Zoo passed over his banana .. but VJ refused to accept it and insisted that he could keep it for free.

Just wish I had got him to pick up something a bit more expensive now!!

Working Holiday

Just heard from Vertigo and Visa. They haven't met any golf playing apes yet ... but have met some interesting native creatures.

One in particular tried to persuade them that a yellow and black painted proton saga with a taxi sign on the side and 145,000 miles on the meter was a brand new rental car. Suffice to say they were not convinced. I suggested that perhaps they could have taken the car nonetheless and picked up a couple of rides along the way. Any profits of course could have been donated to the Orangutan sanctuary! Vertigo said she would have considered it but it took Clyde, the driver ten minutes just to start the engine. Personally I think they should have questioned why the guy was wearing an orange gorilla suit.

Save the golfing orangutans

Vertigo and Visa are renowned for their international golfing. They are currently in Borneo and Vertigo explains that the main reason for going there is to see orangutans in their normal environment in the wild, acting naturally.
I suspect that she may be surprised when she actually gets there!