I'll miss you ...

Did you notice a difference today in the way the country was run ... Nah ... nor did I ... but I was truly sad to see Tony go yesterday. Despite politicians being rather combatative, they all gave TB a good send off yesterday with a standing ovation nonetheless!! Perhaps they were just glad to see him with his P45 in his hand.

A lesson in Portuguese

For those of you who don't speak or read Portuguese, here's a rough translation of the comment on my get well message for Vertigo:

"Oi, I found your blog via google and it's well interesting. I liked this post. When you're passing check out my blog, is on personalized t-shirts, and shows step by step how to create a well personalized t-shirt. See you later."

It's pretty depressing when you spend ages blogging and the only thing that someone (other than my family) thinks is worthy to comment on is a message of best wishes for my Big Sis ... a one liner with no literary merit whatsoever. Perhaps Rodrigo is just suggesting that I should have bought her a personalized T-shirt with my beautiful grinning face on it instead of a cheap balloon!?!

Do you think anyone has a blogger's version of this sticker ...



Perhaps ... "Blog to Blog Sales ... please don't post."

That's just not cricket!

I saw something today that sent a shiver down my back .. no, not more hooligans at the parents home ... no, not Gordon Brown's being crowned as the new Labour Leader ... it was an ear-piece!

Not the actual ear-piece you understand but where I saw it ... okay ... it was in an ear ... but it was the location of the ear with the ear-piece. Okay ... the ear was exactly where you would expect an ear to be .. on a head ... But it was the location of the person with the ear with the ear-piece in it.

At a cricket match ... not a surprise, many members of the media and TV commentators will have an ear-piece where the producer can yell profanities at them or tell them to wind up coz the commercials on it's way ... But this ear-piece wasn't in the ear of some media crony ... no .. it was on the field ... and no it wasn't the umpire.

Shivers danced down my spine because during a Twenty20 match I witnessed ear-pieces in the ears of the players!!! Visa tried to convince me that the player may have a hearing aid or perhaps he was just listening to his i-pod ... but it soon became clear that a number of them were wearing them!!

Everyone who knows cricket ... knows that this just isn't cricket ... When in 1999 Bob Woolmer chatted to South African captain Hansie Cronje via an earpiece during the World Cup matches, all hell broke out.

What's going on ... someone please tell me!!!

MESSAGE FOR BIG SIS

Hope you feel better soon, Vertigo!

Bring back the youth of yesteryear

I worry about what the world is coming to ... Whilst round at mum and dads today I heard a crash and breaking of glass ... Now normally I would have suspected my little munchkin Zoo, but as he was seated beside me at the dinner table munching away at his food, I knew it wasn't him to blame. As I dashed over to the window I saw two young kids speeding away on pedal bikes. I went to the front door to try and figure out what had broken and whether it belonged to us but couldn't see anything except the back of these two kids on their bikes half way up the road.

I returned to the house and told Dad that I couldn't see anything. "I'll have a look" he tells me ... and scuttles off. He returns five minutes later "I can't see anything ... must be the rubbish people have dumped."

Another five minutes and more breaking glass, I again dash over and see the same two kids, pedalling as fast as they can up the road and round the corner .... "Oiiii" I scream after them. I discover where they have left a pile of dangerous shards of glass and as they come back for a third go at it, I glare at them with my best "Don't even go there or you are going to get beats" look. (This always works on Zoo and occasionally even Cream without ever having to resort to actual violence.) It works and they scarper off at pace.

Now I must admit this is not the first time that I have dealt with hoodlums around the neighbourhood and I am happy to stand my ground and let them know that such behaviour will not be tolerated. Cream then tells me off for being a vigilante, Dad tells me that I shouldn't get involved because I don't live here and Mum mutters something like "We don't want any trouble."

But I am pretty passionate on this issue ... My view is that there is already enough of this turning the other way, ignoring such behaviour, so I defend my corner ... foolishly seeing as I am clearly out numbered, but I refuse to back down on principle.

Why should my parents be afraid to go outside their door, for fear of repercussions from some teenage prats on a bike who have no respect for other's properties or the local community ... "But what happens if they come back ... Goliaths car is sitting in the drive and they might break his windows!" Dad explains ...

I look at Dad in amazement ... "Dad, if they come back and break panes of glass on the road and they know that they can do this without regard to anyone and without fear of any repercussions, then they have already won. Today it's someones rubbish out on the street, tomorrow it will be your house ... what are you going to do then? ... It will be too late ... Don't complain to me when you have a gang of drug dealers and hooligans hanging around outside your house because they know they can do what they like and no-one will bother them. It's the thin end of the wedge, Dad. When you make a stand now, you make a difference for the future."

"It's nothing to do with you, you don't live here!" is his reply.

"Fine, but my son stays here during the day and I am looking out for him!!" Dad doesn't have much of an answer to this and mutters something under his breath about busy bodies.

I appreciate his point of view but I remember the good old days ... you wouldn't dream about playing further than ten doors down from your own home ... and you certainly wouldn't misbehave as you would either get told off by a responsible adult or they would come and tell your parents what you had been up to. I long for those days now ... For kids who are respectful and don't answer back. For neighbourhoods, where everyone knew whose kids were who. For kids, who knew they would be in trouble if their parents found out. What happened to those days ... when did people start hiding behind their net curtains?

Well ... NOT ME, NOT HERE, NOT IF I'VE GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT ... I don't care if people think I'm the local madwoman ... at least they know that they can't get away with shit where I am concerned. Don't mess with me, is the message I am giving out loud and clear.

"This neighbourhood is going downhill you know", I tell Cream as we walk to the car later that evening.

"It can't be that bad" he replied "You've left your car window wide open and they haven't nicked anything!" .... "Having said that ... let's be honest, there isn't anything of value to nick is there!?!"

Unwanted news?

I've just heard some distressing news ... apparently a letter has been received detailing Madeleine's location. Unfortunately it indicates that she is dead.

Half of me hopes that it's a fake or it isn't her because until a body is found, there is always hope.

The other half of me thinks, if it is Madeleine, then at least the parents can have some closure.

We wait.

INVOICE to Mark Shields

Advice and assistance in solving the non-murder of Bob Woolmer
from 18 March 07 to 2 June 07
£266,000

Please note that this payment is due whether or not you actually took heed of the advice given.


PS. An extra bit of advice for free ... say sorry to the Pakistani team or at least thank them for being co-operative in your investigation otherwise as I mentioned before they are likely to sue your balls off!

PPS. Don't just blame the pathologist ... might I remind you that when asked to comment you said you were confident that Woolmer was murdered, citing evidence from the crime scene not yet disclosed to the public which supported the initial findings.

"There is very clear evidence of murder," you told reporters. Elephants and the press never forget.

Sugar Babe

I'm not sure what the grandparents have been feeding Zoo but tonight he is a raving lunatic. He ate none of his dinner, danced on his chair, refused to sit still and then spent the next half hour bouncing up and down violently on the toy tiger.

This is not normal behaviour for Zoo ... not at this time of night anyhow ... so I was a little concerned.

"What did he have today?"
"Nothing .. just the packed lunch that you made, but he didn't like the rice and curry and he didn't want the tangerine. He ate all his lunch though"
"So he had all his lunch but not what I had packed?"
"Yes."

I look across at Cream who gives me his pleading please don't start an argument eyes.

"He should be hungry by now and he's not eating ... did he sleep late? Maybe he had his snack late." I say, giving them a get out of jail card for free to snap up.

"No, he slept straight after lunch and woke up early ... he did have an apple a little while ago" Dad says, quietly pushing a plate of sugar coated apple pies out of my view.

I sigh deeply. It's not worth the bother really, they always deny giving him anything ... but the truth is plain to see ... as I try to get Zoo down off the ceiling and into his cot! Only problem is he's managed to peel off half the wallpaper on the way down.

Mr Sandman send me a dream ...

Following on from my brother's posting on Dad's annoying habits ... thought I'd add a couple here ...

1. Brylcreem ... doesn't sound bad but he ends up plastering the stuff on Zoo's head and combing his hair so he looks like one of the kids out of the Little Rascals .. you know the one! His response to any criticism ... "It's good for your hair, I always use it" which isn't very reassuring when you take into account that Dad's bald!

2. Goliath thinks it's just him that gets the phone treatment ... Rang the parents today to suggest a nice picnic at Golders Hill Park seeing as the weather was so nice ... Mum made various excuses ... "I'm in the garden ... I've dyed my hair ... I can't walk!" So I asked to speak to Dad ... you hear her call over to him and I distinctly hear him say "Tell her I'm in the bath!" Despite the fact that I have obviously heard him say this, Mum bravely tries to convince me otherwise.

"He is in the bath!"
"Mum he's not .."
"Yes he is."
"Mum I just heard him"
"Yes"
"Well, unless you are in the bath with him, how did I hear him so well"

Slight pause ....

"I'm standing on the stairs"
"Mum! You said you were in the garden!"
"I ran inside to get the phone!"
"The phone is at the bottom of the stairs and the bathroom's upstairs!"
"Yes. I am at the top of the stairs"
"Mum, you can't take a walk in the park but you just ran up a flight of stairs within 5 seconds?"
"Honest, he's in the bath."
"Okay Mum .. whatever you say ... Got to go, we are driving home. Speak later"

At this point we get stuck in the queue of cars leaving Asda and as I can see Zoo nodding off, I give him the phone so Mum can keep him awake.

"Hello"
"Dad?"
"Yes."
"I thought you were in the bath"

Long pause ...

"I was ... now I'm not"
"That was quick ..."
"What. You think I'm building a house in there!"
"You probably are with all the time you spend in there"
"No, I don't"
"Yeah? Well how come everytime I ring and want to speak to you, you're in there?"

Longer pause ... stiffled giggle ... "What you want?"

Anyhow didn't manage to convince them so we went down ourselves to enjoy the ducks, chickens, roosters, mara, deer, alpaca and other wildlife. Had a great picnic dinner ... and Zoo decided to take turns on his parent's laps so as not to build up any jealousy ... either that or he wanted to make sure he wasn't missing out on any food.

Once we all had our full, we walked down to the kiddies park and let him play in the huge sandpit. He decided he wanted to go down the slide and as I helped him up and sat him down, he twisted himself round and flung himself on his belly down the slide. He had great fun with the other kids ... at one point, he was spotted being chased by an older woman .. (21 months) ... around the sandpit as she did her best to catch him and give him a kiss and a cuddle and he did his utmost to get away! When I explained what her intention was .. he turned around, wrestled her to the ground and gave her a cuddle, much to her surprise.

And she wasn't the only one surprised tonight ... we took him home and as I undressed him for his bath, it seemed as though there was sand everywhere ... his hair, shoes, socks, T shirt, vest and most wierdly of all his nappy!!! It obviously had the right affect though ... he was out like a light!

Emily ... have some twinings chai

"Are you being pushed out?"

Big Brother has hit the headlines yet again on a "racism" issue. I watched it last night and I have to admit that I was seriously annoyed. Not by the use of the N word! But by the stupidity of it all!

It is clear from the clip and from the transcript that Emily meant no offence and was simply trying to ingratiate herself with the "ethnic" crowd ... Ok .. she's nineteen, and has no idea what effect the word has on the older generation of blacks ... but having said that it is clear that the younger generation use it in a very different sense. They have reclaimed the word and changed it's meaning. You can easily tell when someone uses it with malicious intent ... it was obvious that Emily did not mean any offence by her comments. The girls originally giggled about it. What I found more interesting was what happened afterwards ...

Emily insisted that she was not the first person to use the word and Charley even seemed to accept this and repeated it again. So was Emily simply repeating what she thought was accepted language in the house? If Big Brother's stance is that it is not the intent but the mere use of the word, then surely that means that everyone who used the word should have been booted out. BB Big Mouth was so sensitive about offending the public that they referred to it only as the N word! To be honest I am offended by the frequent and gratuitous use of the F word but no-one has been booted out for that yet!

Charley then spent the evening, making the most of the opportunity. Let's be honest .. Charley was more offended earlier when Leslie asked her if she was stupid, than by Emily's use of the word nigger ... but what happened then was amazing ... Charley managed to tell the whole household just how shocked she was about it. If she were truly offended, go into the diary room and make your view known, but to whine around the house whispering to others and then pretending they must have overheard you rather than you couldn't keep your mouth shut. I thought her comment "I'll be on all the front pages" was more telling about what her thoughts were at that moment in time.

Conversations with Mark Shields

"Ok .. you asked me to come out here .. what's the deal?"
"I've got a problem Xzsara ... this Woolmer thing has me seriously confused"
"Yeah well I can see that ... Have you read my posts on my blog"
"I have and I think you're right ... but look I've been told he was strangled"
"Dude, no struggle, no bruising, no-one going into the room, no motive ... Won't wash ..."
"How about match fixing??"
"What proof have you got of that ... the fact that the Pakistani team played shite ... that's nothing new ..."
"Ok, ok ... how about one of the players."
"Yeah, right in a fit of rage because they lost ... give us a break ... you've finger printed them all and nothing came up"
"What about the weedkiller??"
"What a trace amount that you've managed to find on everyone that was out on the field that day ... no, don't think so ... what else you got?"
"Al-Qaeda!!"
"Dude, are you crazy ... you been smoking with Dubbya again ... I told you that shit messes with your mind! What evidence have you got?"

Long pause ...

"Well .. come on Shieldsie ... what you got?"

Even longer pause ....

"Nothing ... think he had a heart attack"
"Man ... I told you this on March 25th!! What's taken you so long ... ok .. so you would of looked stupid ... but now you look even more stupid three months later!!"
"What do I do??"
"Just leak it to the press and by the time you actually announce it, no-one will be able to act surprised ... ok ... and next time don't get all excited and go running off with your conspiracy theories ... you been watching too much CSI mate!"
"Oh .. Xzsara .. one more question ..."
"Yeah what ..."
"You're a Pakistani .. can you speak to the team, let them know ... you know .. no hard feelings"
"No hard feelings?!? ... Dude, what planet are you on .. they're already talking to their solicitors, they are gonna sue your balls off!"