Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Little Fish getting fatter in Big Pond

Well I've been in the job a whole week and I can honestly say .... I am absolutely loving it, its the sort of environment where you are praised for being proactive and taking your own initiative ... I have impressed my bosses by how quickly I have picked stuff up ... Of course, I still have three weeks to go and things can change ...

The walking to work didn't last long ... I blame Terry Wogan personally ... but I will try to walk in again when the weather picks up. A combination of lack of exercise and the thought of that chocolate bar in the fridge means I am feeling a little blouted! But who cares ... Little fish needs to get bigger!!

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Page Three models or Babies

Cream is currently trying to persuade me that we need to visit Egypt again ... not sure personally ... I mean if you've seen one pyramid, you've seen them all ... I'd love to see Jordan (No, not the busty woman ... we see far too much of her already in the papers!) The final decision will of course be very much dependent on what we can afford ... and whether we can get someone to look after the three cats ... before Goliath and Vertigo inundate me with offers of assistance ... this is undoubtably the most difficult part of taking a holiday ... Mum keeps telling me to get rid of the cats and start a family ... but who are you going to get to look after three kids for you, if you can't get someone to look after three little cats!! So I'll leave the kids to Goliath and Dejanari for the time being ... which reminds me ... I believe the new addition is due to arrive in the middle of October which is when we are planning to take a holiday!! Don't want to miss the happy event!! What to do, what to do!!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Two bottles of coke short of a picnic

I think we have a poltergeist in the house! We bought four bottles of coke ... it was a treat for Cream ... I don't normally allow Coke in the house but then I figured he was gonna sit and watch the football ... and they were on offer 4 bottles for £4. Bargain.

We packed the bags at Asda, put them in the car ... drove home ... Cream emptied the bags ... and we are missing two bottles!! Wierd ... we have searched the whole house ... even rang Asda to check we hadn't left them there!! So we have the following choices:

1. The cats are planning a sneaky midnight feast.(Sam, Goldie & Pav are sound asleep so they are unlikely culprits)
2. Cream has put it away in a very safe place and completely forgotton! (Cream can't be going senile yet ... surely?)
3. We have a thirsty poltergeist.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Scrambled Little Fish brains

No ... it's not what you think ... Mum has not been dining with Hannibal Lector again. It is the state of my mind. I am absolutely shattered. Feel like I have gone a couple of rounds with Goliath. Amazing how using your brain for the first time in nine years can tire you out!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Little Fish in Tiny Pond looking for Bigger Pond.

I am a little fish again ... after years of doing my job ... now being able to do it with my eyes shut and one hand tied behind my back ... I have now returned to not knowing a thing. First day in the new job today and it is totally different to the work I have done for the last nine ... yes count them ... nine years.

It leaves you with a feeling reminiscent of the first day at High School ... I was a big fish in Little Pond Junior School ... and suddenly arrived at Big Pond High School and was a tiny, puny, insignificant minnow. Remember that feeling of apprehension yet excitement? Well today was the same.

I was shown the ropes by a friendly enough temp .. only problem was .. I wasn't told what the ropes were connected to or what would happen if I pulled them. So I'd make a crap bell ringer at this stage .. assaulting your ears with a variety of notes but nowhere near a tune!! I am impressed that I managed to survive the day though and to be honest I enjoyed the challenge.

I am also impressed with myself because I walked to and from work ... and it took me just 40 minutes and 5245 steps each way. No ... I didn't count them, I borrowed Cream's pedometer/radio. Only problem was I couldn't figure out how to change the channel and had to endure Terry Wogan for 40 minutes! But then I suppose they do say "no pain, no gain"!

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Marriage Vows

Cream: Don't forget .. for better and for worse.
Xzsara: Yeah .. but how come you get all the "better" bits and I get the "worse"

Friday, June 18, 2004

Deja vu ... again???

Wednesday afternoon at my workplace, a person was deprived of his freedom and placed in a confined space. In frustration and an explosion of pent up emotions, he wrecked the space he was in and violently hit out at anything or anyone. Police had to be called in.

In the early hours of the Thursday morning in the Big Brother house, ten people deprived of their freedom and placed in a confined space, in frustration and an explosion of pent up emotions, wrecked the space they were in and violently hit out at anything or anyone. Police had to be called in.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Air Conditioning not working ... Be scared ... Be very scared ....

Well a bit of excitement at work today ... One of the prisoners went into a violent rage (nothing out of the usual)... tore his cell to pieces (does happen sometimes) ... managed to break out by climbing into the roof space & air ducting (now that is original and inventive!) So all exits were locked and we duly waited for him to pop his head out of the air-conditioning vents. Unfortunately, it being such a large building, he managed to evade the grasp of the jailers and the armed police had to be called in. So while everyone else was being evacuated from the building, I have to type warrants for the other poor buggers, who were quietly sitting in their cells enjoying lunch and watching the drama unfold, so that they could be returned to Prison. All of this whilst watching the ceiling for any suspicious sounding creaks and groans. All in a days work!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

How Lib Dems have changed my life ....

Flicking channels ... "The weather is expected to" .... "What if God was one of us" ...."Doh" ..... "The Lib Dems have done well in the elections" .. so I stop flicking, thinking Dad will be pleased and see an old face from the past, staring at me from the screen, standing next to Kennedy! Had to take another look but sure enough, there he was, a little larger than I remember from University days ... (but who am I kidding ... like I'm still a size 8!) but nonetheless still the same face!

Gets you to thinking ... what you can do with your life ... beginning to wonder now ... should do something with my life ... Ok .. so I am a Samaritan ... all well and good ... giving back to the community .... But then you reminisce about all your old dreams. How when you were young, you thought you were gonna be rich and famous or change the world or discover the cure for cancer ... When you really believed that God had a real purpose for putting you on this Earth. Whatever happened to that feeling ... I lost it along the way somewhere but I'm not sure when ... or why?

Amazing how a face from the past can make you re-evaluate your whole life. I mean I wouldn't mind ... but he's a Lib Dem MEP!!

Monday, June 14, 2004

Delayed Pleasure

Well back to the chocolate in my hand ... Have decided to take Vertigo's advice (see comment to Blog doesn't revolve around you) and put it in the fridge. The company has agreed that I may take the new job for a test drive ... I can have it for four weeks and if I don't like it, I can go back to my old job ... Very nice of them ... I suspect that they are aware that once I've settled in , I won't want to return to the old comfortable job ... they may be right! So the chocolate bar is now firmly in the fridge. New job starts on Tuesday ... and if all is well four weeks later I can savour my chocolate!

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Deja vu???

This morning I went down to Gladstone Park tennis courts and played tennis with Goliath. (For 'played tennis' please read ... I ran around the court a lot... chasing balls I was unable to hit, and looking really stupid ... the ones I managed to hit, as they sliced through the air around me, went in every direction except the one I was aiming for ... Goliath even spent ten minutes on his mobile phone to Dejanari and still managed to continue playing with one hand, while I struggled!) Summary of match: I was crap .. he beat me ... I lost.

Watched England play France in Euro 2004 ...........

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Heavyweight Championship of the World ... Tickets available here.

It has come to my attention that my blog is being abused by certain individuals (ie Vertigo and Goliath) as a tool in their vendetta against one another ... Now surely this is not fair to taint such a work of art with petty squabbles???!!

Now it certainly may be that Visa, Vertigo's husband (the self-proclaimed Enforcer)may also have a hand in this .... Dejanari is worryingly quiet too. So my suggestion is for a boxing match between Vertigo and Goliath with their respective spouses in their corners. Cream has offered to referee to ensure a fair fight. All bets are now being taken for the Heavyweight Championship of the World.

Friday, June 11, 2004

The Blog doesn't revolve around you, you know!

Sometimes I fear that no-one is actually reading my blog ... I mean it's got to be a bad sign when you start posting comments to your own blog!!

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Colonel Mustard in the garden with lead piping?

I should be happy today .. I have finally been given the salary which truly reflects my managerial position after a pay banding review ... this may have been quickened up by the fact that I have been offered another position ... perhaps it has nothing to do with it, except inflating my ego ... who knows ... Nonetheless, I am now left at a huge fork in the road .... down one side a dark alley where I can't quite make out any details .... on the other a relatively pleasant unadventurous but circular walk ... if I take the 'easy' route I will return to this fork yet again in time ... if I take the unknown route ... who knows. Have to make a decision this weekend! I have been delaying the decision for some time now ... it has been about five weeks since they offered me the job .. but they have been very patient and understanding about waiting for my reply. But there is only so long you can hold a bar of chocolate in your hand before it begins to melt away into nothing ... you need to take the moment and eat it or alternatively throw it away before your hands get dirty ..

Or in the case of Cream, there is only so long that you can leave a corpse under a flowerpot before the flies catch on. Cream returned home today to find a poor bird dead on the patio ... Now the immediate blame is laid on Pav, the usual suspect. It is unlikely to be Goldie, who has never caught a living thing in his life (except one horrifically large spider) and being the ever ambitious fisherman, is still waiting for the big one! He's always aiming for the fattest wood pigeon and never quite getting it. Sam wouldn't bother chasing things that she won't eat .. too much like hard work ... much better to sit and relax in the sun and wait for the food to come to her. So, all three are vehemently denying being involved at all. To be fair to them, there has been a tabby sniffing around ... it could be him ... or there is the vixen and her two cubs. In any case, Cream decided to preserve the scene of the crime for me rather than inter the poor creature or disturb any important clues. Thanks ... anyone for a game of Cluedo??

Dr Dolittle and the art of conversation.

Went down to the park tonight to feed the geese, moorhens, ducks, swans and all the chicks and cygnets ... It is wonderfully peaceful down there .. until the geese realise you have loaves of bread ... then you are lucky to get a slice out of the packaging before being pecked to death by ravenous geese.

Talking about ravenous looks ... Sam staring at me now ... staring at the keyboard ... nudging my hand ... nustling up to me ... she obviously wants something ...... Sam sorted ... she wanted food ...

Sams back again ... it's like having a baby ... thankfully however no nappies to change. They can't tell you what they want, so you play this game of charades. Strange cat ... she takes me back to her plate to show me she is eating ... just in case I thought she wasn't the first time.

Sams back again ... I am obviously doing something wrong .... ok ... its not a cuddle she wants .... finally figured it out ..... she wants to, rejlsdfhas ahfuoasd ususi aeoriioehho aeosh agaagija, sit on the keyboard. Purring away happily now. So that was Sams contribution to the blog. She is probably trying to tell me something really important (Skippy style)... like Cream has fallen down the well or something. Either that or she is on comission from Meowlingual. Well I shall leave you to figure out exactly what Sams typed message is. Suggestions on a post card please.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Long heated discussion

Too hot to blog .....

Monday, June 07, 2004

Moth sex and grass

Decided on my maximum offer on the property above my head ... told her I had two choices ... raise the money she wants (way above what it is worth!) and be financially broke OR await her lease extension, where she would have to pay all my solicitors fees and just rake in the money. She did not seem too pleased. Shame that.

Went back to work today after two weeks at home ... had to drag myself out of bed! There were some benefits to going to work though.

1. Nice drive in ... amazing to see the Stadium arch being raised ... beginning to look good. Quite spectacular from some angles ... coming from Staples corner, down the North Circular you get a glimpse and it makes you want to burst out singing "Its coming home .... " Or some other footballish song.
What do you think of Wembley Stadium Arch

2. Air conditioned offices ... it was so hot today that I got a sun tan on my 15mins drive to work. Serious. I am not sure I could have made it if I was stuck at home in this heat. Sam and Goldie have been lounging under any shade they could find and now are happily lying on the cool laminate floors. Might join them.

3. No, there isn't a 3.

Absolutely lovely evening ... watched the sunset ... whilst screaming for Pav to return from her latest expedition. Watched moths copulating on the window. Admired Creams newly mown lawn. Pav is back sans trophy. No funerals tonight.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

The Cats that got the Cream

OK ... so you have met one woman and her blog ... and a couple of related creatures ... I figure you're asking yourself where the three cats are? Yes they do actually exist ... all adorable ... even though I may be biased (Waiting for comment from Feline-hating Vertigo!) They were ruled under my dictatorship (Saddam style)... I took no messing around and expected them all to get on together whatever their feline beliefs ... I treated them all equally and when I said "No" I meant "If you give me those sad eyes again, you are gonna regret it". Then the cats got Cream. My husband joining the household has had an real impact on the balance of power. He believes (Bush style) that the cats have been oppressed too long and deserve freedom from such an evil tyrant. So they now .. sit at the dining room table whilst we eat dinner, waiting for Creamgate ... a scandal of illegal scrap dealing under the table, secretly condoned by Cream! They also manage to miracuously open pouches of whiskas themselves, when there are perfectly good plates of dry crunchies around. Strange that??? Sam (the eldest) has perfected the "I am going to shit in this litter tray unless you let me out in the back garden now" and Cream falls for it every time. I just respond with "Yeah ... poo away ... make my day" There is only so much straining a cat can do before it is obvious that there is nothing there, and she has to pad back into the front room with her tail between her legs and an evil stare! Pav (pure black but more 'chocolate' on closer inspection) loves to explore, a bit like the explorers of old who thought it was a good idea to return with a trophy or two! We manage to save most of them, but occasionally we have to give them a good funeral ... And Goldie (the newest member) a year old tom, who was born as a stray but now lives in luxury. Proof of the NW9 dream ... 'rags to riches' ... or should that be 'nice sofa covers to fur covered shreds of fabric'!

Are you sitting comfortably?

Well let me tell you a story ... always wanted to present Jackanory! Anyhow ... Let me explain the last entry.

Goliaths Googlies ~ my mum, Hannibal Lecter style, enjoys delicacies which you and I would run screaming from. On this one occasion, she brought home ... well to put it delicately I believe they are called sweetbread ... They didn't look too sweet to me. Suffice to say she cooks them up with great drama while Dad winced and the whole family refused to eat them. Goliath later that day came downstairs, going commando and his family jewels happened to catch Dads eye ... "You better put those away son ... if your mum sees them she'll be cooking them too!"
You will be happy to know that Goliaths googlies were rescued from mum. If you need proof ... may I point out that Goliath and Dejanari are soon to be parents!!

The Sex Machine ~ another my mum story .. A prospective suitor for my hand approached my mum and asked to see me. I refused to even consider being paraded around ... I was a bit of a feminist you know ... until I knew enough information about him. So mum tottered away, phoned the prospectives, spent half an hour on the phone, came back and sat down. "They will be round on Tuesday." I scream at mum ... "You don't know anything about him, mum ... he could be an axe-murderer ... Do you even know what he does for a living?" Wait for it ... It is a classic .... She replies, in front of the whole family and with no idea of what she is actually saying .... "He's a sex machine!"
The prospectives had mentioned that he ran a firm selling fax machines ... easy mistake to make mum. But you got be proud of a mum who thinks of her daughters happiness!

Saturday, June 05, 2004

Goliaths Googlies and the Sex Machine

I have inspired Vertigo to keep a journal ... She is going to be capturing classic family one liners and memorable events. Inspiration from up high?

Vertigo on her way up!

Sister has now arrived on the scene. Hmmmm ... gets more interesting ... tempted to post picture of her when she was a tad bit younger ... she might get upset though .. lets see .... Well she definately didn't like that .... I thought it was a fair comment on our relationship ... picture of young me wiping my boggies on her skirt! She didn't like it. :(

Goliath is back!?!

OK ... now I am scared ... have mentioned my blog to my blessed brother who will no doubt post some rude comments or do something strange with it.

Give the girl a handkerchief!


Young Xzsara .... aaahhhh ....

Friday, June 04, 2004

To blog or not to blog?

As always when I have a million and one things to do it is always easier to find another task, which is completely unrelated to my mission for the the day ... which means I can genuinely explain all the hours I have spent not doing the task at hand. Today I have discovered blogging. This means I have spent a limited amount of time sorting out a mortgage and deciding whether I can afford to buy the property above my head (more on this later). This decision needs to be made by Sunday. I am out tonight and Saturday no doubt I shall find another time-consuming and equally useless task.