If only ....

Emotions are strange things ... Strange how you can become attached to what amounts to a pile of metal. I feel especially silly now after having spent the evening with my cousin who just lost her mother. My anguish at losing the car, a feeling of loss of memories, ownership, having to let go of the past, is ridiculous in comparison.

Her sorrow at losing her mother is plain to see and hard to console. Even harder as her mother although known to be ill, was not thought to be at the point where it was life threatening. But perhaps the pain emanates from the same emotions and denials. Not wanting to admit that the person has gone as has the relationship you held with them, not wanting to acknowledge that all that is left is memories of a person, not wanting to admit that we all one day will die.

What we believe happens after that stage differs from religion to religion or from person to person... but very few of us believe that we live forever in the same form as we do now. So why do we continue to allow oursleves to attach to others, when the pain caused at the time of loss is so unbearable. When we know that inevitably we will all die and the pain will be felt by those who we leave behind.

If only ... she kept repeating ... If only she had been with her instead of here in the UK ... if only she had know she was iller than she let on, if only she had spoken to her yesterday ... If only she had told her ...

Life is full of if only's. If only we knew what tomorrow was to bring we might deal with our todays in a better manner.