Whipped Cream & Goliath's ass

Had a great evening BBQ ... family turned up ... with a couple of additions ... no they weren't crazed blog readers ... just Goliaths in-laws. A great evening was had by all ... We played badminton and whilst several shuttlecocks were seemingly lost to the great bramble field of next doors garden, heroic efforts were made to save as many as possible. I must add at this point that I whipped Goliaths ass in Badminton ... try and deny Goliath .. I have witnesses!!!

Fancy a BBQ??

Well ... a little update for you ... no sign of idiot number 1. He hasn't rung back or darkened our doorstep. Idiot number 2 tried to get another months subscription out of me ... so I pestered them with polite but persistent emails making it clear that I had no continuing contract with them ... that their apology sans compensation is not an apology at all ... berating them for incompetent staff and generally being a pain in the arse! It worked ... But then being a pain in the arse has worked for me for years ... ask Vertigo and Goliath.

The new job is great ... I have spent the last two days setting up an intranet site for the organisation ... real challenging but such fun ... especially when you see the end result!! What else is new at this end ... Been playing badminton with Cream in the back garden ... Considering having a BBQ if the weather holds up on Sunday ... Now if Vertigo is right ... about the billion stalkers who have tracked me down by taking this blog apart and finding the clues to my location ... will appear on my doorstep expecting burgers! If you are reading this and contemplating popping round, please remember to bring a BBQ with you ... coz I ain't got one!

Do I look stupid!?!

OK ... Before Goliath, Vertigo, Visa and Cream post answers to the above question .. its rhetorical!! But there are some real stupid people on this earth!

Idiot number 1: Accosts my husband on the doorstep asking whether we are selling our property. Answer no. So he starts asking about upstairs! Husband fobs him off and he leaves his mobile number. I ring him asking him what he wants and he starts going on about being interested in buying properties (he's an estate agent then!) and wants to know whether I will extend the lease. I politely say no and he persists in asking questions. So I remind him that if he wants to buy upstairs he should go and speak to her! I wish him good luck and finish the call. He rings back and says "you're just an amateur property investor who struck lucky" Yeah ... and ??? So I tell him I'm not talking to him anymore because he is strange and so is the conversation and hang up. He rings back again!! I just pick the phone up and put it down immediately! Complete nutcase!! Probably a mate of Pinnochio!

Idiot number 2: ZTV customer services person refuse to speak to me about cancelling mothers subscription. So I ring back two hours later and say I am mum! Problem solved. Now they insist I can't cancel subscription coz the contract says I have to give one months notice and another months payments. What contract! I subscribed over the phone and never signed anything!!!

Now let this be a lesson to you all ... Both the above mentioned idiots are greedy money grabbing fools. Therefore it goes without saying that greeding after money makes you stupid. However please note greeding after food only makes you fat! Whilst greeding after chocolate makes you happy!!

Mighty Mouse

I learnt a valuable lesson today ... never try to come between a cat and a mouse. Dashed out into the garden to save something from Pav ... to find a tiny little mouse ... it did not seem bothered at all that it was being batted around by a creature, with perhaps not the best of intentions, who is 100 times bigger than itself. So I grabbed hold of Pav who fought like a wild cat ... and at this point I expected the mouse to run for its life ... instead it looks up at me as though I have told his best pal that it was time to come indoors for tea ... and strolls away shaking its head! I swear ... Pav is fighting in my arms with the strength of a billion cats ... squirming around desperately trying to release herself from my hold and mousey is taking the scenic route out of the garden ... stops for a quick break at the fence ... looks back one final time to ask whether Pav can come out to play and then strolls under the fence looking rejected. That is one mouse with guts!

Did you miss me?

Well ... it has been such a long time since I blogged ... I've been so busy .... So here's a quick catch up ... I chickened out on the wedding dress and wore a toned down brown crushed velvet number... I am absolutely loving the new job and have agreed to go permanently ... Jordan is definitely on the books if I can sort out our passports, change our annual leave dates and get a vast amount of money together ... I only managed to walk to work on three occasions over the last four weeks ... but in my defence the weather has been absolutely shite!

Have agreed with Cream that the blog and the garden have been seriously neglected these last three weeks... so we are going to spend the weekend playing Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh.

Pinocchio tells a story

Her upstairs has been on the phone trying to harass me into extending the lease. She is a better story teller than I am ... when I reminded her that her prospective (non-existent) buyer quote "did not care about the lease", she told me that it had fallen through because "he couldn't get the survey done, because he had a car accident .. on the M4 and his wife is in hospital in a coma". What next ... She'll be telling me Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction and Father Christmas is real!! Pinocchio, I can see your nose from here!

Wedding dress for sale .. only worn twice

Cream, my hubby, thinks I am mad .. we are going to a wedding on Saturday and as it is the first family wedding we are attending since getting married, it is traditional for the bride to dress appropriately. For appropriately, read "like a bride". Cream thinks this is just an excuse to get the wedding dress out of the suitcase, where it was lovingly shoved away ... Even having tried it on again, I suspect he thinks I won't actually go through with it! Oh he of little faith!

Personally, I think this is an excellent tradition ... What other culture do you get your moneys worth out of the wedding dress??

Avocado Alarm Clock

I was awoken this morning at 5.30am by an avocado .... Goldie obviously bored by his inactive companions decided to roll an avocado seed across the laminate floor for an hour! The numerous quieter toys which have been purchased over time are sitting gathering dust on the mantlepiece ... It's like a buying a kid an expensive toy only to see them play with the cheap looking box ... So anyhow after successfully covering every single inch of the laminate floor with passes that would put the England Football team to shame ... he decides a bit of wrestling is needed and decides to come and headbutt me for the next half an hour ... Don't you just love them!

Well seeing as I was up early I figured I might as well use my time constructively and walked to work again! It would seem the fitness bug has bitten the family ... I hear rumours that Goliath now rides a two wheeled chariot to work ... What ever next!!!