Conversations with Mark Shields

"Ok .. you asked me to come out here .. what's the deal?"
"I've got a problem Xzsara ... this Woolmer thing has me seriously confused"
"Yeah well I can see that ... Have you read my posts on my blog"
"I have and I think you're right ... but look I've been told he was strangled"
"Dude, no struggle, no bruising, no-one going into the room, no motive ... Won't wash ..."
"How about match fixing??"
"What proof have you got of that ... the fact that the Pakistani team played shite ... that's nothing new ..."
"Ok, ok ... how about one of the players."
"Yeah, right in a fit of rage because they lost ... give us a break ... you've finger printed them all and nothing came up"
"What about the weedkiller??"
"What a trace amount that you've managed to find on everyone that was out on the field that day ... no, don't think so ... what else you got?"
"Al-Qaeda!!"
"Dude, are you crazy ... you been smoking with Dubbya again ... I told you that shit messes with your mind! What evidence have you got?"

Long pause ...

"Well .. come on Shieldsie ... what you got?"

Even longer pause ....

"Nothing ... think he had a heart attack"
"Man ... I told you this on March 25th!! What's taken you so long ... ok .. so you would of looked stupid ... but now you look even more stupid three months later!!"
"What do I do??"
"Just leak it to the press and by the time you actually announce it, no-one will be able to act surprised ... ok ... and next time don't get all excited and go running off with your conspiracy theories ... you been watching too much CSI mate!"
"Oh .. Xzsara .. one more question ..."
"Yeah what ..."
"You're a Pakistani .. can you speak to the team, let them know ... you know .. no hard feelings"
"No hard feelings?!? ... Dude, what planet are you on .. they're already talking to their solicitors, they are gonna sue your balls off!"