Long Overdue??

Just in case you were overly concerned .. I thought that I better confirm that I am not reaching 44 weeks pregnant ... just haven't figured how to stop the damned ticker ... Zoo was finally born just one week late on 5 December 2005. Contractions began in earnest the night before at about 9pm and I managed to stay at home for as long as possible. Reached hospital at 4.20 am Monday morning .. the taxi driver took one look at me and drove as fast as he could, bless him!

On arrival the midwife muttered something about it being a big baby, that the contractions were coming fast and furious and that she was sure that it was going to arrive today. No-one had previously mentioned any concern about the size of our baby and I am positive I read somewhere about being able to rest between contractions ... Fat chance of that but the fact that it would all be over today was reassuring.

Worked without pain relief for a while and then moved on to the etonox but it just resulted in some rather impressive projectile vomitting and profuse apologies. As the midwife and Cream wiped themselves down and I stood under a hot shower we decided best to move onto to plan C .. the epidural.

I won't horrify you with the sordid details but several hours passed and it became evident that Zoo was in a bit of distress so they wheeled me into theatre after getting me to sign the necessary caesarian consent forms but once there he obviously understood the need for urgency and made an appearance with the gentle persuasion of the ventouse.

After what seemed like an eternity whilst they cleared his airways, Zoo finally started crying and we were presented with our little boy at 11.16pm weighing in at an impressive 8lbs and 6ozs.

EDD??

Before you ask ... Not a thing ...

Catchphrase

Cream has had it easy really with my preganancy. I've been independant and active up until maternity leave started ... now the weather is so cold I am liable to spend all day in a nice warm bed rather than get up and do any housework. I can't lie though ... I have on occasion had the odd moment and burst into tears for no apparent reason. Bless him, Cream has found his own perfect solution to these slight glitches.

"It's all part of the process" he claims. Bloody process ... bloody easy for him to say given that his part of the process lasted minutes ... (ok it was Valentines Day so make it a couple of hours) ... and mine is looking to last well over 9 months!!

Went to the doctors yesterday, everything was fine but she says Zoo's head is no where near where it should be if I was to give birth in four days ... so I think we are resigned to going overdue .. I have another doctors appointment on 1 December and then a further hospital appointment on 8 December to discuss whether we induce Zoo or start charging rent!!

Not long now??

It's been a long emotionally tiring week one way or another ...

Mujnu spent a few days in hospital with respiratory problems which led to further complications and the family held our breath whilst praying that he would pull through alright. Thankfully he is back home now and Goliath and Dejanari swear that he has returned a bit more intelligent than when he left!! Not sure what type of medication they give in hospital these days .. but I could do with some of that stuff too!

I spent the last week at work trying to tie up loose ends but with no-one to handover my duties to, I have had to leave a pile of work with scribbled notes and a lenghty email to my boss explaining what needs to be done and when. Luckily I had pre-empted exactly this scenario and created a manual before I went otherwise the poor bugger who eventually takes over the role would have no chance. It's difficult knowing that the role is unfilled and I am fearful of what I will eventually return to. I have put a lot into the job and it almost feels like I'm leaving my baby behind.

But I suppose I have to leave that one to look after the real thing. Not long to go ... Zoo is active and has perfected, much to Cream's annoyance, the art of moving at the precise moment that he gives up staring at the vast expanse of my belly in the hopes of movement. I also have prided myself in remaining active but this last week has managed to take a lot out of me and poor old Cream has had to be called in on occasion to help me in and out of the bath and to deal with the odd pair of knickers which refuse to behave.

The due date is officially 28 November, but it could be anytime in the four week period surrounding it ... so any time really from now til the middle of December. Hope its sooner rather than later ... not sure how much more of the insomnia and general exhaustion I can take ... but then I suppose I better get used to it ... there's no guarantee that any of that is going to change once Zoo does decide to arrive!

Where's your birthmark??

Whilst sitting round the dinner table, I discovered an itch on my blossoming belly ... gave it a good scratch and earned a look of scorn from my superstitious mother ... you'll leave a mark!! This obviously explains my birthmark then!

Mum looking guilty defends herself exclaiming that everyone has a birthmark ... I turn to my father with raised eyebrows and a look of disbelief ... my mother begins to tell me about Vertigo's and Goliath's non-existent birthmarks ... "Mum ... those are beauty spots! I am talking about birthmarks!" Dad contributes to the conversation conspiratorially .. "They say that if you ... interfere ... with your wife whilst there is an eclipse that causes birthmarks." Cream looks uncomfortably in my direction .. Parents and sex is never a comfortable dinner conversation and I am concerned about where this is going but take the bait nonetheless ... "And so it was your fault I have a birthmark is it!" "Yep .. must have pinched her bottom at the wrong time" is the giggled response.

I return my gaze to Mum ... "So if everyone has a birthmark ... that means you have one too then Mum" ... "Yes I do" she says defiantly ... "OK then, where?" She points coyly to the vague area of her more than ample bosom. Despite cries of "Prove it" and "Show us then" from around the table, she refuses to budge.

Now .. breastfeeding is perfectly natural and my mother has never been shy getting dressed in front of us as children ... we know where she and her sisters used to hide their purses ... It was the safest place, no one in their right minds was putting their hands down the inherited neverending cleavage. I cannot recall ever seeing any birthmarks on my mother!

We look to Dad for confirmation .. "Don't look at me ... I've never seen one ... If you haven't seen it .. what chance do I have!"

Lottery winner!?!

I was posed with an interesting question by Cream whilst I was sitting on the computer bidding for a baby monitor today.

"If you won £77 million on the lottery ..."

I stopped what I was doing .. almost excited that he may be trying to break some good news to me gently ... "Yes?" I replied with bated breath ...

"Would you still be trying to get a bargain on ebay?"

"Damned right .. how else can you stay a millionaire if you spend it!?!"

Ebay Queen

Well ... after Goliaths attempts at creating an ebay empire, it was only a matter of time before I got struck by the bug too. Have spent the last three weeks just browsing and finally managed to summon up the courage to bid for an item ... was outbid within 30 minutes but with a little persistence and an eleventh hour bid managed to secure myself a little bargain. Baby bath, top and tail and changing mat all for less than £18! Can take that off my list of essentials ... now got my eye on a mighty fine baby monitor!

Countdown ...

Ok .. I have finally started to get stuff ready for the arrival of the baby. Went to Mujnu's aqeeqaa and got really worried when everyone asked whether I had got everything ready yet ... Lots of advice from experienced mothers who told me to get everything now just in case the baby decides to turn up early and before it gets more difficult to spent hours walking around shops. I can vouch for the second part .. My feet start to swell after just 30 mins of walking now and Cream tends to be at the other end of the shops before I have made it out the car! Anyway .. got my list of essentials and am starting to nest for lack of a better word. A towel, sleeping bag, sleepsuits, body suits, baby wipes, nappy sacks and mittens have been purchased. Still loads more to get ... moses basket and stand and a car seat being the most expensive. Anyhow .. whilst trawling the net for the cheapest places ... found this website (lilypie.com) that does tickers ... ain't it cute... had to try it out ...

And today is ....?

Ok .. today is special for two reasons .. It's Creams mums birthday and we have dutifully sent her a birthday card, bunch of flowers and some gifts. The other is that it is two years since we tied the knot. I must admit that whilst remembering two weeks ago, we had both completely forgotton and when Mum and Dad rang us last night to ask us what we were doing today, we gave them a run down of the day ... Cream was working .. I have taken the day off and needed to change three tyres on the car and get it MOT'd. They didn't seem too impressed by our romantic endeavours.

Goliath in the Attic

Dad has obviously decided to embarass us all about our squirreling abilities in his attic. Goliath has been sent up there too and he managed to find an old diary of his ... chronicling my rather short stay at Southampton Uni and Vertigo's car driving skills and use of naughty words! If we are really lucky I may serialise some of it here ...

Dr Who's forgotton TARDIS?

I was so proud of my efforts at clearing out all the junk in the house that I made the fatal mistake of mentioning my achievement to Dad. Cream commented on how I had emptied at least five bin liner bags of clothes and cleared enough space in my cupboard to accomodate his clothes and still leave space. Dad sniggered and asked Cream whether he wanted to see the attic.

I had conveniently forgotton about all the stuff that I had left languishing in Dads attic for the last six years!! Cream was amazed that everything up in the attic had once been crammed into my tiny TARDIS boxroom.

Where have you been??

My apologies ... it's been over a month since I have blogged but I've been busy. Getting tired, growing out of my clothes and nesting.

Gone are the days when I could blog until 1am in the morning without fear ... I'll be lucky now if I am still awake at 10.30pm!! Falling asleep on the sofa whilst watching TV is more likely and really annoying when you miss the crucial last ten minutes.

The extra bump in front doesn't help when you are trying to drag yourself off the sofa either. So I have had to reluctantly buy some maternity clothes ... Asda did me proud with an assortment of clothes all under £20 ... and packed away clothes that I certainly won't be wearing for the foreseeablee future.

Took the opportunity to clear the cupboards of stuff that I don't need or haven't seen in years ... the shelves of the local charity shops are now fully stocked. I did keep a couple of items for purely sentimental value ... my size 8 shorts, skirt and a little black dress. Cream laughs at me and tells me that I would be lucky to get that skirt round one of my thighs now!! And he's right ... but I figure with all the extra space in the cupboard they won't take up much room.

Baby visitors

Word has obviously got around that we are animal lovers ... we normally have several animal visitors to our garden but this weekend we have had a couple who would not or could not leave.

Saturday, visitor number one: Baby wood pigeon ... the cats found it sitting very quietly by the garden bench ... they haven't seen one this quiet so they both just sat there staring at it ... God knows how long this had gone on before Cream noticed. So we brought the cats in and left the pigeon there hoping that its parents would come along pretty soon to take it away. After six hours of the pigeon strolling around the garden and no sight of it's parents we decided to take a closer look ... It's beginning to get dark and I'm concerned about the other cats in the area and the local fox. It's crop looked infected and was weeping so we rang the vets and they asked us to bring it in.

Sunday, visitor number two: Baby field mouse ... now this poor blighter may not have had much of a choice about its visit. Pav bought it in to us, holding it very carefully in her mouth. Now normally I just release them back to the wild after a couple of hours of warm recuperation to avoid them going into shock. But this one was covered in fly eggs and hadn't even opened its eyes yet and without knowing where Pav picked it up from, I felt it unfair to let it cope on it's own. It has now been cleaned and set up with a very warm box in the shed, with shredded paper and toilet tissue as a bed.

Am afraid to go back into the garden for fear of finding something else!!

Go on punk .. make my day ..

Cream is obviously testing out his parenting skills whilst I have been at work. He answered the front door after hearing a knock to find no-one around ... remembering his own misspent youth he spied two young boys looking sheepishly at him round the corner ... so he stared them out until they took flight.

Whilst on his way to the shops not half an hour later he came across the same two lads and glared at them, sneering through his teeth "I'm a postman, I know where you live and I never forget a face!" The kids rightfully petrified ran as fast as they could in the opposite direction.

Cream proudly announces to me that it will be the last time they "knock down ginger" on our door. I explain to Cream that on occasion if the doorknocker has been used to close the door, as it often is, it sometimes gets stuck and falls down a couple of hours later once gravity decides it has had enough ... Cream's face drops as he realises that there was a good chance that the sheepish looking boys outside might have been completely innocent. I reassure him that the kids weren't permanently traumatised and they probably just think he's the local lunatic.

So if you decide to pop round to our house, please use the doorbell instead of the knocker as otherwise you may find yourself being chased down the road by Cream!

Olympic Highs and Horrific Lows

It certainly has been a rollercoaster week ... I've been watching the news a lot ... the Live 8 concerts took place amidst great hype ... Myself and Cream must have been the 2 out of the 10 who failed to watch the actual concerts ... I am a little sceptical .. I mean let's be honest would so many people have turned up if instead of a free concert it was just a march to Hyde Park ... perhaps not?! I did watch the march in Edinburgh which was impressive and managed to get myself a makepovertyhistory wristband to show my support nonetheless. Seeing humanity pulling together for the common world good was great and was reminiscent of the 70's days of peace and love. I think they misunderstood the whole flowerpower thing though as the following day the media brought us pictures of police making arrests whilst being showered by freshly yanked marigolds from a bedding display.

The news moved on to the London 2012 Olympic bid and although we weren't the favourites, we amazed the world by winning. London believed that anything was possible and within our reach, we were on an all time high ... unfortunately the day after we were on high alert. Today explosions caused by an alleged power surge on the underground tube system brought travel chaos to the city but as news filtered in of an explosion on a bus, it became obvious that this was something more sinister. The four bomb blasts left at least 49 dead, 700 injured and many still missing or unaccounted for. This is not a new experience for us in London, we have been here before, the IRA attempts at carnage are not that far in our distant past. The Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone, known for his occasional controversial comments, was still stuck in Singapore after the Olympic bid success but made an impassioned speech with a mix of tears and anger whilst London, as it has done so many times before, resolutely gets back to its feet.

The hardest decision

It was only a matter of time and we both knew it. I had promised myself that we would not make Sam suffer and we took the decision today to let her go. Perhaps it is the fact that there is the promise of life within me that makes it hard to let go of another. Perhaps the fact that she was so brave and never complained til the end that makes it difficult to cope with right now. But more than that is the knowledge that she will never feel pain or hunger again ... just the abundance of love we have for her.

Bun in the oven

Yes ..excuse the pun .. but this weekend I have discovered what it would be like to be a bun in the oven ... rather than just having a bun in the oven. It is absolutely baking, reaching 30 degrees plus and the eagerly anticipated promise of thunderstorms never materialized!

Yesterday spent the afternoon round at Vertigo and Visa's admiring their culinary BBQ skills and playing with Mujnu. He discovered watermelon for the first time and sucked it dry of every drop of juice.

Was invited to go to Hyde Park today to watch my friend rollerblading .. can't risk skating now unless I have one of my Torvill and Dean moments again. So instead I spent the day being hosed down by Cream (willingly .. before you have images of riot control water guns .. there is a fine mist attachment to the hosepipe!) in between periods of lounging in the gazebo. It was so hot that even the lilies in the garden started wilting so I had to sacrifice my own needs and turn the hose on them before they collapsed completely.

Visited Dad as it was Fathers Day and marvelled at his green fingered neighbour who walked down to the bottom of his vegetable patch empty handed and returned with two bottles of beer! Got only knows what else he is growing down there!

Only another five months to go!

Most people have now been told or found out that I am "up the duff" ... one of my colleagues at work is taking great delight in telling anyone passing by the office that I am having a baby and now that I am 16 weeks insists that I pick up nothing heavier than a sheet of A4 paper.

Cream is taking a similar concerned stance and on a recent shopping trip to Brent Cross asked whether I was entitled to use a disabled parking bay yet!! Whilst there I must admit we did take the opportunity to pop into Mothercare. In my defence however I went solely to pick up my freebie "mother to be" pack, Cream on the other hand spent 15 minutes playing with a £500 sickly lime green pram ... which left me with no option but to tempt him away with a visit to Starbucks.

Besides the temporary colour blindness suffered by Cream, we have suffered few ill effects ... no morning sickness, no cravings and I'm certainly not blooming yet. My bladder however has given up the fight and I am now peeing at regular intervals. This may well have contributed to my loss of weight ... ok it may just be a couple of pounds but I am going to revel in it ... it's going to be some time before I lose any pounds again ... well in weight anyway ... I imagine with the possibility of £500 prams on the horizon, the financial pounds will be disappearing pretty soon!!

My little secret

Ok .. I have a confession .. I have omitted to tell you something important ... but I'm sure you will understand and forgive me ... I have had three hospital appointments recently and after a variety of nurses and doctors have seen me, I was finally given a piece of paper with the date 28 November 2005 on it!

To what does this date relate to?? I am currently 13 weeks pregnant!! A scary thought ... obviously didn't want to confirm until I was sure, what with all the problems that can occur, but now I have the task of telling friends who have been kept in the dark for the last three months.

My immediate family already know and were sworn to secrecy .. although Vertigo blabbed to her next door neighbour within days and Mum told several family members, close friends and neighbours over the last couple of months but she tells me she had to explain why I was putting on weight!! A poor excuse as I've been the same weight for the last seven years and have actually lost two pounds recently. She did however assure me that she had sworn them to secrecy too!! If they keep the secret as well as she did, I have nothing to worry about!!

Samuel or Samina?

Sam is back from her spa .. we did fear for a while that they had given her a sex change at Six Mile Bottom as everytime we rang to ask for an update, they kept referring to Sam as "he". We got her back last night and double checked .. she is still a girl and no extra bits have grown whilst she's been away.

The results unfortunately came back confirming that the tumour had begun to return. We know that if she starts suffering we will have to take the decision ... until then we intend to make her last days here with us as comfortable as possible. The vet had already operated on her jaw so it is in the correct position and she promptly demolished a pouch of food last night ... whilst my mum and dad watched and then she started eyeing up the food that the guests had brought round. Bless her ...

Sam visits Six Mile Bottom again

We had to take Sam back to Six Mile Bottom ... her speedy recovery was not as long lasting as we had hoped and she was having some trouble eating. The vet checked her over and found a small nodule so we are awaiting test results again.

I think Sam is enjoying the attention she gets at Six Mile Bottom .. perhaps she thinks its a spa of sorts ... the veterinary nurse told me that they had spent the day brushing her coat, whilst she rolled around, purring and showing off.

Careful what you wish for!

I have learnt my lesson, a wishlist needs to be carefully considered ... things like whether the item will be delivered fully assembled or not should be mentioned!

I'm not sure if it was my lack of a Corgi registered workman or the lack of any words in the instructions, but it took two of us three hours to assemble it! I was relieved when it was finally completed until Cream pointed out that we had 16 screws, 4 washers and a nut left over! It hasn't collapsed yet, but either someone at Homebase was overzealous in the screw department or we are seriously screwed!

My dreams come true

Despite being a year closer to a mid-life crisis, I enjoyed today at work. My colleagues gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a huge box of chocolate and I invited them to celebrate my ever increasing age and waistband by joining me in chocoholic heaven in the staff canteen. I was even considerate enough to provide a couple of low calorie / low fat options for those with a healthier lifestyle than mine!

However, forgot to provide a healthy pudding option at the birthday dinner round at Mum and Dads. Didn't work out too well for Mujnu, whose developing taste buds were having some difficulty coping with chocolate! I suppose it is an acquired taste!

The wishlist thing worked out great. I got a gas BBQ, Love Actually DVD and even got that plastic seal thing for the pressure cooker too! Got a couple of bits I hadn't asked for ... a beautiful bracelet, necklace and two pashmina shawls from Cream too! What more could I want for!?!

What's your poison?

Learnt some amazing facts today from the news ... cyanide is made from apple seeds, ricin from caster seeds ... and the americans will go half way across the world, kill thousands, bomb homes and wreck an entire country just in case they have biological weapons ... and then send something just as deadly to thousands of labs across the world, in a test tube without a label!

You gotta marvel at those americans!

Wishlist (in my dreams!)

Talking of birthdays ... I suppose I may as well take the opportunity to publish a wishlist before Cream and I are inundated with calls of "what do you want for your birthday?" Feel free to ignore completely or combine together for the more expensive ones ...

Bathrooom scales - digital, memory function, solar powered, talking mode or remote display (hell if I can't see my toes I can't see the display either!) Must not have a body fat function!

Chocolate - any type, any size (darker and bigger is better!) Must not be Ferrero Rocher!

The plastic seal thing for my pressure cooker - God only knows where you get that from!

DVD - Love Actually (and box of tissues). The Manchurian Candidate. Any others. Must not be horror movies! No, I don't want to watch the Ring or the Grudge Goliath!

Hexagonal gazebo with mesh panels - I have been eyeing this up in the argos catalogue for some time now without success.

BBQ - Not sure whether gas or charcoal is better?

Littermaid LM900 with ramp or LM950 I do not seriously expect this to turn up ... but it's worth mentioning I suppose!

If I think of anything else I shall be sure to add it here.

Ebay King

I have discovered that Goliath is an Ebay addict ... spends his time selling stuff that he gets for free to others ... Richard Branson eat your heart out.

Can't complain ... I suppose this means he can afford to give me an extra big present for my birthday and the money he owes me!

I did manage to make £15 myself recently by recycling some old ink cartridges ... but I don't think it quite compares to Goliaths enterprise! Perhaps I should speak to him about getting rid of some perfectly legitimate DVDs we no longer use?

The best way to make poo dissappear?

Now that Sam is back I think she deserves a treat so I am seriously considering purchasing a Littermaid LM950 ... for those of you not owning cats .. it is a mythical fully-automated contraption which rakes through the litter, picks up your cats deposits and scoops them into a container which can be thrown away at a later stage. Now I have found a supplier in the UK who will deliver to my door and I discover it is huge! Double the size of our current manually operated littertray.

Have heard varying opinions on how great or useless it is. If there is anyone out there with one of these I'd be grateful on your views on how worthwhile or worthless a purchase it is ... before adding it to my birthday wishlist!

Sammy's back in town

Sam is back .. back in London ... back to her favourite armchair ... back to her usual purring self.

She looks great and is eating well. She is still on antibiotics, a follow-up with our Vet in a week and then a follow-up with the Specialist in a month.

The only difference I have noticed is her newly acquired taste for pilchards and expensive cat food!

Pilchards for breakfast.

We have spent a couple of sleepless nights without Sam ... but the Specialist is really pleased with her progress ... surgery went well ... she didn't eat the night of the surgery ... but promptly demolished two tins of cat food the day after. Although part of her jaw is gone ... her persuasive manner with humans is still intact. We hear Sam managed to convince the nurse to treat her to pilchards. I'm sure that was not on the approved menu!

They tell us we may have her home by Sunday! Can't wait to have her back home! Though given the splendid treatment she is getting at the five star clinic, she may not want to return!

Sam visits Six Mile Bottom

After much consideration we took Sam the distance to the Specialist in Six Mile Bottom ... yes there is such a place! Given our Vets diagnosis we were really just going for confirmation of what we feared we already knew.

The Specialist checked her x-rays, medical history and prised open her mouth and said "We can do this" ... Cream and I were in shock! The Specialist seemed so positive. "If she was my cat" he said "I'd do it".

The dilemma we had was with the origin of the carcinoma. If it was in the soft tissue then Sam had little chance of surviving even if surgery was undertaken. If it was in the bone then she had a good chance of another 12 months granted without part of her jaw, but more importantly without any pain! The Specialist promised us that he would be able to ascertain the origin pretty soon after "opening her up" and he assured us if it were in the soft tissue he would not undertake any unnecessary surgery or decrease her quality of life and would simply return her to us.

She will be on the slab tomorrow ... we hope and pray all goes well.

Complete check-up

Cream very wisely took out insurance on the cats some time ago ... and I am so thankful for it. I don't know how I could have coped if the decisions we have to make were blurred by financial implications ... Sam has had every organ and orifice checked. Still waiting for blood test results to return but she is perfectly fit besides the FSCC in her jaw. The Vet has suggested that we refer Sam to a specialist in Cambridge to exhaust any possibility of treatment or surgery before we start thinking longer term and explore pain relief.

At the moment the "drool" is causing her some irritation and the loss of her sharp claws has resulted in a slip or two. Otherwise Sam is still enjoying her "she who can have everything" status though she has tired a little of the constant attention .. preferring to curl up asleep on Cream's new fleece jacket. At least this means I can now re-wash my clean clothes!

Syria Sam withdraws her troops

Bush style democracy has been brought to the household. The Vet has already unilaterally decided to clip Sam of her dangerous weaponry but Sam's grip on the bedroom for the last two days was verging on a military coup ... with her food and bed within 100 cms of each other she has only ventured out for a visit to the bathroom.

So in a bid to get her out of her lethargic state I have proclaimed that she withdraw from the bedroom and her dinner plates be returned to their proper territorial positions out in the kitchen. Sam has responded very well to this and was certainly more active today and spent some time with Cream explaining her exact dietary requirements for the day.

As she has been such a good girl all day I did succumb to her demands and allowed her a midnight feast in the bedroom. The wheels of democracy need a bit of oiling on occasion!

Feline Squamous Cell Carcinoma

I have learnt more in the last few days about FSCC than I would like to know. Vet has confirmed our worst fears .. Sam has a type of bone cancer in her lower right jaw. The normal treatment is to remove the affected bone and blast what is left with radiotherapy or chemotherapy. We will be referred to a specialist who can give us a more accurate idea of what treatment is available and what the likely outcome will be.

Realistically the outlook is bleak. I have read some online diaries where people have lovingly cared for their pets to the end. Upsetting but reassuring nonetheless. We are not alone in the difficult decisions which we may have to make. Ultimately the question we must bear in mind is "what is best for Sam".

Does time fly???

Time really flies when you're having fun. Parents are celebrating their Ruby Wedding Anniversary today by cooking up a feast for the family ... its amazing to think that they have married for 40 years!! Dug out their wedding video for Cream who was astounded at seeing a very young version of Mum and Dad peering back through the TV screen.

Time seems to stand still whilst waiting for further test results for Sam. First smear came back "suspicious". In the meantime Sam is enjoying her newly acquired status as "she who can have anything she wants".

Toothache or Tumour?

Poor old Sam isn't feeling well ... we found a hard lump on her jaw line and so took her to the Vets on Friday ... she went under the knife on Monday and they pulled a tooth and took a biopsy .. so we are awaiting the results. Could be an infected tooth ... or something worse.

The Vet said that Sam wouldn't be hungry on Monday night after the operation and that she was to be given whatever she wanted to eat on Tuesday. Within two minutes of arriving home, Sam tottered over to the dinner bowls and demanded to be given two pouches of Whiskas!! Since then she has only ventured out of her beloved cardboard box, where she has made a nest on a pile of my freshly washed clothes, if her attendants fail to notice her hunger.

She is a feisty little vixen and doing amazingly well. Hope to have some results back by Thursday.

Gur Qn Ivapv Pbqr Jro Dhrfg

It would seem that I am not the only one incurring the wrath of religious leaders .. Dan Brown is doing a mighty fine job too. I read his book Angels and Demons some years ago and more recently his much better publicised The da Vinci Code. I would highly recommend his books to anyone who likes reading about conspiracy theories. If you have already read them .. did you notice the secret codes in his books ... No? Look again ... and check out the following sites.

http://www.randomhouse.com/doubleday/davinci/index-ctc.html
http://www.randomhouse.com/doubleday/davinci

If you get to the telephone numbers .. don't ring them .. unless you want to pay for an international call!! Drop me a line and I'll give you the next clue. Beware its designed for an American audience, with the American book cover but it shouldn't take you long ... not even you Goliath!

Return of the blog

I have been so busy with work that I have not even had the opportunity to add to my blog for some time now. However I realise someone reading my blog may fear that my jesting about incurring the wrath of muslim leaders may have come true and that I had gone into hiding with Salman Rushdie or even worse!! Sorry to dissapoint you but I am still around ...

Fatwah

Cream is concerned that I may incur the wrath of muslim leaders by suggesting that an agreed day for Eid would be nice!

I'll ask Mr Rushdie for his opinion on this one.

Eid Mubarek

Eid Mubarek to one and all ... whenever you may be celebrating it!

Pick a date, any date

We all know the classic three card trick .. you are shown three playing cards and your task is merely to pick one card. How hard can it be? The magician shuffles the cards, you watch his every move, he lays the cards down flat and asks you to pick the queen out. You are encouraged by whispers of "the middle one" and you reach out to touch the card with a smile on your face, anticipating that feeling of pride as the royal figure is turned over ... only to be replaced by complete confusion as you stare at the uncovered six of spades!

Well that happened to me! I was told that Eid al Adha would be this Friday. For their own safety, those responsible shall remain nameless. So I secure the day off work, knowing that I shall be able to organise my day, go to the mosque with Mum and Dad in the morning and then spend the evening joyfully with the whole family. Only one problem ... I have now been told that Eid is on Thursday!

Now this is my plea to the muslim community, I know we need to unite, to show solidarity with our muslim brothers and sisters around the world ... Together we can solve poverty, violence and man's inhumanity to man ... but how about we start with a slightly smaller aim ... I understand the complications of lunar calendars and the fact that a date isn't just picked out of a hat in advance ... but can we please celebrate Eid on the same day!!!

I have found a solution to the three card trick ... next Eid I am picking all three cards!!

Torvill & Dean on ice

Went out last night to celebrate my mate Miami's birthday at one of the many outdoor ice rinks that have popped up around Central London over the winter period. Spent the first ten minutes clinging desperately to the edge, whilst Cream skated around like a professional! The rink was full of first-timers and although staff were there to help out and were always in attendance at the most painful looking of falls, I was glad nonetheless, when five minutes later they called all skaters in to re-surface the ice ... until I was told that the ice would be even more slippery once re-surfaced, that is!

Eventually I braved the ice and as I got much more confident, joined hands with Cream in a performance that Torvill and Dean would have been proud of. Unfortunately I tried to emulate their spectacular finish (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it) and ended up sliding across the ice flat on my face. I know it must have been pretty impressive as when I eventually looked up, a very concerned member of staff was staring back at me. Once it was established that I was still alive Cream, Miami and the rest of the rink were in hysterics. Beyond that and one moment on my arse, I spent the rest of the evening looking almost elegant!

Afterwards we retired to Maroush Gardens just off Edgware Road ... great atmosphere and delicious food. Somehow the waiters found out it was Miami's birthday and he spent several minutes desperately trying to hide after the waiters made him a baklava birthday cake. The whole restaurant erupted into applause and Happy Birthday was sung in a couple of languages. Absolutely great evening!

Although my arse and face saved me from any major injuries, my body is a little sore this morning as my stomach slowly returns to its normal size!

Logic Problems

Well let me put you out of your misery ... no-one managed to guess all three right ... even though Vertigo spent yesterday evening trying to convince Dejanari that she had made at least one of the statements. The answers and explanations are as follows:

"But I don't need a coat, I've got a carpet now!"
Cream and I went shopping for a coat for his birthday ... after several hours of shopping we bought nothing except a large rug for the front room and Cream promptly announced the shopping trip was over!

"She was in hospital because her river has got water in it."
Mum explaining my Aunties liver problems.

"Well if he's gonna kill two birds with one stone, he better be paying for the funerals."
Dad's comment on hearing of someone's time saving solution.

I can also add the following comment heard only yesterday during Dad's birthday dinner.

"I hate it when someone pulls my plastic off!"
Goliath with his new videophone and precious screen protection film. Well .. I sincerely hope that was what he was referring to!!

The Alternator

After passionately defending my car against accusations raised against it yesterday by Cream, the bloody accelerator pedal broke on the way home tonight.

Thankfully I had paid my AA membership and rung them from my mobile to tell them that the car had broken down in a dark wooded area on a bend in the road. The call centre told me someone would be there in an hour and a half ... after narrating the story of the Blair Witch project to him, he assured me, as a lone female in the middle of nowhere and with cars hurtling towards both myself and my stationary car, that I would be prioritised!

And they were true to their word ... The AA man was there within 5 minutes! Good start ... "Let's move your car out of dangers way" ... very good ... "Just the throttle cable broken, I can fix that with a temporary cable" ... great ... "Should get you home in no time" ... excellent!

Cream turns up at this point looking guilty and sheepishly apologises to the car for any previous unfounded remarks. A couple of kids pass by and joke "Should have gone with the RAC!" Now I wonder ... had they met this AA man before or did they have a premonition?

The AA man detaches and discards the old broken cable, attaches a length of new cable and cuts it to size, placing the offcut to one side with his tools ... Starts the engine ... acceleration pedal now seems to work perfectly ... engine purrs beautifully ... SPARKS START FLYING OUT OF THE ENGINE!! The AA man stares at the firework display in awe and says reassuringly "Ooohh ... I never seen a car do that before!"

Bless him ... he managed to get us home and spent the next hour trying to yank out the offcut of cable that had found it's way into the alternator ... Luckily it would not budge from its new home ... I say luckily as I feared what damage had already been done ... and in the end he conceded defeat, pulled out the complete alternator and drove off yelling "I'll be back" Arnie style. I can't complain too much as he did return an hour later and replaced it with a brand new one! Free of charge!

So remember this ... if you call a car a useless pile of metal and rust .. it will act like one ... if you call an AA man ... who knows what can happen!!

You what???

Just to prove what a strange lot my relations are ... here are actual snippets from conversations I have had with the family recently ... They're not particularly unusual but give you a true impression of just how blessed I am ...

"But I don't need a coat, I've got a carpet now!"

"She was in hospital because her river has got water in it."

"Well if he's gonna kill two birds with one stone, he better be paying for the funerals."

I shall leave it to you to figure out who said what ...

Cheer up! It might never happen.

I've been told that the blog is getting a little too depressing ... Even Sky has moved the report from SE Asia further down the programme ... Life goes on I suppose.

New Year Resolutions

Our lives have been touched forever by the souls of those who lost their lives and those searching for them and helping in SE Asia. The pictures and video clips shown to us daily on the news bring home the grim reality of just how fragile we really are ... the greatest gift we received this year was humility ... under layers of complacency, our own mortality was unwrapped.

Tonight 150,000 people in central London held a two minute silence for those in SE Asia ... a huge crowd of people ... the UN speculate that the final numbers of those who died in this show of mother natures power may equal those numbers ...

We have been brought together by shock, showing solidarity with our fellow man, proving that together we can make a vast difference. One that can have an even greater impact on the world than the tsunami which swept through it.

You never know what tomorrow may bring or what the future holds for you ... you never know if you or your loved ones will be here tomorrow ... so I have resolved not to waste a single precious moment.

May I take this opportunity to wish every single one of you a very happy New Year ... I hope it brings all of us peace and hope ...