The day after tommorrow

Well it has taken me two days to clean up completely ... Xmas day went well ... there are still some brussel sprouts left in the fridge, but most of the other food has been scoffed down ... no complaints of food poisoning yet.

Presents were exchanged ... everyone seemed genuinely pleased with what they got ... a few were upset when they realised that the chocolate dessert meant they could no longer play with their new toys and would have to wait until they got home to play with them further ... Goliath couldn't wait to unwrap his Captain Pugwash tape ... took me a while to track down but it was worth it just to see the smile on his face and Visa was handing out cigars after the arrival of his beloved gaming steering wheel.

Despite my requests for no Ferraro Rochers ... we managed to receive three boxes in total!! Although we have finished off two of the boxes I fear if I go anywhere near the third, I'll end up looking like one!

Played tension tower ... watched Goliath take a record ten minutes to remove one block, followed by Dad removing his block in 10 seconds flat. Little Mujnu was completely calm about his first family Christmas and entertained us all with his amazing musical bouncer for a while.

It was great to have everyone round and we have a lot to be thankful for. Especially after hearing on the news that up to 23,000 people have lost their lives after Tsunamis hit S E Asia. In scenes eerily reminiscient of the movie, huge tidal waves hit beaches with people clinging onto anything floating. In comparison, the fact that I forgot to get bread rolls for the soup pales into insignificance.

Unwanted Christmas presents??

I have almost finished the Christmas shopping ... only one left is Mums ... have absolutely no idea what to get her ... I normally try to get everyone something relevant and useful ... Vertigo, in true Christmas spirit, on our last shopping trip reminded me and other shoppers that "If they don't like it ... they don't have to use it".

Thankfully, in this day and age ... it is likely that rather than leaving unwanted gifts at the back of the cupboard and hoping they will be able to palm them off on someone else ... (yes ... don't try to deny it ... we all have thought it at some point) ... loved ones will be putting them up for sale on ebay or a similar website.

Hey this could prove a profitable Christmas for us all!!

Raider of the Last Miniclip

Just in case you have been wondering where I've been ... I have found a great site full of time-wasting free online games ... so instead of worrying about all the Xmas presents I haven't bought yet or what I am cooking for Xmas dinner, I am playing Crypt Raider .. stuck on level 65 of 100!

General Goliath & Captain Pugwash

You wouldn't believe it to see him now ... but Goliath used to be cute. This is him in his General Zia outfit ... don't you just want to grab his cheeks and give him a good kicking. In those days I could ... then he was my little brother ... and you could guarantee to make him cry if you threatened to pull the head off his cuddly toy ... it was this vile knitted creature, that must have once been a proud looking lion ... it actually looked like a beige blob with a head held on by string ... but he loved it. I must point out that although I may have threatened to pull its head off, I never actually did ... unlike Goliath who mutilated my favourite blue bunny by yanking its ear off! I am still traumatised by the event.

Although still a terror to this day ... Goliath does have his soft side ... he couldn't sleep without listening to his favourite tape ... Captain Pugwash ... actually thinking about it ... he has more than a passing resemblance to Captain Pugwash now.

I've been googled

I found out today that I am officially available to the world ... Remember before computers, when you were young and you would look up your name or rude words like fart in the dictionary (an explosion between the legs .. always had me in hysterics) ... well the nearest eqivalent in this century is to put your name in a search engine and see what comes up ... come on ... admit it, we've all done it at some point (no? ... alright, alright ... maybe I'm just egotistical) Anyway ... I typed in Xzsara and Google came back with my blog ... granted it was fourth after several models of car ... but nonetheless it was there. So I decided to try a couple more .. and there I was ... Yahoo and Lycos obviously thought more highly of me and had me in first place. What a revelation ... could it be that people worldwide have found me in a search engine and are reading my postings? I am now tempted to put in a counter to find out but am afraid it will simply prove the sharp object to my inflated ego ... Just imagine Sky news tommorrow ... "A massive explosion was heard from the NW9 area last night. Experts have confirmed it was not a fart."

Didn't I just make that decision already?

It's not often that I have to make an important decision twice in the space of six months ...but here I am again. The proverbial chocolate bar in the fridge has now metamorphosised into three ... yes count them ... three seperate bars of chocolate. The decision is not made any easier by price as they are all the same. White chocolate, milk chocolate and dark chocolate.

White chocolate is out of the question! If it ain't brown it's not chocolate as far as I am concerned. (Please note ... this does not work the other way round ... just because it's brown does NOT mean it's chocolate. Trust me ... good lesson to learn!)

So I am left with two ... milk chocolate ... what I am used to, normal day to day ... or dark chocolate ... now that is a little special, rich and a bit more of a luxury. My recipe may be influenced by others so my choice must take that into account and of course the end product itself.

Will look at the recipe book on Monday ...

Goliath and Dejanari trying hard to sleep

Enough said ...

Mujnu trying hard to sleep

Its been a real hard week ...

Poopee Xzsara

Mujnu is celebrating his first week on earth ... it has been an eventful week for him ... He was violently ejected from the place he called home for the last nine months .. against his will ... he wasn't coming out on his own, despite Dejanari's best efforts .. he has been passed from one google-eyed family member to another ... he has learnt that meals are no longer on tap and unless he wants to starve he has to order his meals now. He has learnt that this means screaming and thrashing his arms and legs violently ... I mean the things you have to do to get the attention of the waiter! He has perfected the stinky poo task ... and even I ... yes I .. have been drafted in to change a nappy ... he thought it would be a hoot to pee on his Auntie whilst she did her best to wipe his bum ... Now I understand why I am called a Poo ... pee.

A short course in family relations ..

Mujnu has arrived to the delight of everyone ... Dejanari is exhausted but fine ... Goliath is peering into mini Goliath's eyes ... The entire family is around ... a vast array of aunts and uncles ... I suppose it is a blessing that the Asian language distinguishes the types of aunts, uncles & grandparents .. you have Mamu which is your mums brother; Chala, your mums sister; Dada, your dads dad; Nani, your mums mum etc ... So I am now a Poopee, the sister of Mujnu's dad ... which makes Cream a Poopa, the husband of the sister of Mujnu's dad. All very easy ... I'm sure Mujnu will pick this up very quickly!

Waiting for Mujnu

Ok .. the time has come .. Dejanari arrived at the hospital this morning ... we are all eagerly awaiting the birth of the little one ... he has been given a name pending his appearance which means "Romeo" which I suppose makes them Posh & Becks ... For the purposes of the blog therefore I shall call him Mujnu. For those of you who don't know : Laila and Mujnu are the Persian equivalent of Romeo and Juliet, to such a degree that when you whipped Mujnu, marks appeared on Laila's back ... This new baby is going to be so loved, being the first grandchild in both families, that if you smack his bottom, hand prints will appear on at least 100 members of both families!!!

Contraction countdown ...

Waiting for Goliath and Dejanari's kid to arrive is proving quite a task .. the holiday was put on hold ... but still no sign of the little one ... decided to sneak to Disneyland Paris for the weekend ... spend a couple of days cuddling six foot furry animals ... it brings out the child in you ... Hopefully it will bring the child out of Dejanari too!!

An apple a day ...?

Ok ... so we all know the saying .. an apple a day keeps the doctor away .. unfortunately not a lot of us know the saying .. three of next door Neighbours apples, milk, jelabi's and painkillers will have you spewing in the morning and keep the doctors confused for three days!

Dad decided to experiment with his medication, food and his stomach ... you remember when in science class you used to pour some liquid stuff on some powdery stuff and it would blow up .. or sparkle... or foam ... depending on which powdery or liquid stuff you used ... well Dad did the same only he used his stomach instead of a test tube.. it resulted in a multitude of green projectile vomiting (he must have taken lessons from Goldie) and an ambulance drive to the hospital. Some concerned doctors examined him and then hearing his medical history refused to let him leave for the next 36 hours ... we finally got him discharged on Saturday much to Mum's delight!

Dad was back to experimenting last night and offered me an apple on my departure ... Suffice to say I politely refused his kind offer.

Do you want that with or without Cream?

Bless him .. husband has just realised that he does not feature within the title of the blog .. Feeling a little rejected ... I'll let him watch the football tonight ... That'll cheer him up!

Running water

After a slight Paula Radcliffe moment, I have finally completed the marathon task of organising a water feature in the local Samaritans garden. I say marathon task because they have wanted one for five years and having made the mistake of boasting about my own pond at home, I found myself being delegated with the task.

I was given three weeks to find and install a water feature with several restrictions (cheap, self contained, no underground resevoir, no possibility of drowning youngsters etc..) and managed to talk a very nice person at Homebase into giving me a 20% discount as it was for a charitable cause. Cream was so embarressed by my negotiating (begging) skills that he pretended not to know me and waited by the car! Personally, I have no shame where a £12 discount is concerned!

So having purchased the fountain, I set about finding an electrician. I would have done it myself, as per the one at home, however with a potential branch of volunteers to electrocute, I thought it best to leave it to the qualified. After one outrageous quote, I found another very kind person, who agreed to do it at half the price and the next day!!

Played at being Charlie Dimmock for half an hour, getting wet trying to level the damned thing whilst Cream made holes with a pickaxe in the hardcore infested soil. Cream finally got sick of me making a mess and managed to level it at his first attempt as I planted around it with some grasses.

With the AGM finish line of tommorrow well within sight, I wonder whether I'll get a medal?

All burned out!

When we were young and bored .. we played games in the front garden ... we stuck a used matchstick in an empty matchbox and pretended they were walkie talkies and we were secret agents ... Nowadays youngsters play with full matchboxes and do a great impression of delinquents by stealing cars and setting them on fire.

Not a nice thing to wake up to at five o'clock on a Sunday morning. Nonetheless, had a nice chat with the neighbours and some dashing firemen, watched the flames die out and the sun rising over the horizon. The neighbours were up very early replacing the burnt slats of their fence and as we spoke over the garden fence, we had to laugh at the passers-by who marvelled how the car was completely burnt but the fence was in perfect condition.

Spoke too soon ....

Goldie when he first arrived, before the snip, before the eating, before the spewing.

Bless him ... he obviously read the blog and thought he would make up for the lack of gifts by leaving me an extra large one last night!

Constipation, Cairo, Chicken, Cricket & Casualties

Sorted out Goldie's problem ... established what was wrong ...Hairballs ... starved him for a couple of hours ... fed him Iams hairball remedy (God only knows what they put in it) and have been grooming him each night ... and I am happy to say that he hasn't left us any gifts in the middle of the night for at least a week. Only thing now is, neither Cream nor myself have seen Goldie visit the toilet for a week ... hhhmmm ...

Sorted out the holiday problem. Passports have been sorted (but haven't booked anything yet coz we are trying to get a holiday as short as possible so we don't miss the happy arrival of Goliath & Dejanari's kid!) I figure after a year of putting up with each other, we both deserve a treat though, so we are looking at a trek which starts in Cairo, Egypt and ends in Amman, Jordan.

Talking of treats! My uncle's old shop has now been converted into a Nando's ... and it's halal!! We were so overjoyed that we ate there yesterday ... as a early anniversary treat ... and we had take-out from there today ... just to make sure the excellent food and service wasn't just a one-off, opening day gimmick, you understand.

My uncle is currently organising the annual family cricket match. I say annual, well it happened last year and it went so well that we decided we had to do it again just to see whether it was a one-off.

Better warn Vertigo now though ... you see, she is rather partial to cricket balls ... or perhaps it is more accurate to say that they are rather partial to her ... we have played cricket twice as a family ... once when Vertigo was a mere teen and she was promptly smacked in the eye with a rather fast moving, hard cricket ball ... not a nice soft tennis ball .. the real thing! Once we established that her eyeball was still in her socket, we marvelled at the multi-coloured rainbow of her blackeye. Last year ... Vertigo decided to catch a cricket ball with her mouth ... I could make so many comments (large enough vessel, unlikely to be completely plugged etc) but bless her she is obviously a strong believer in tradition and amused the rest of us no end as we marvelled at her Lesley Ash lip.

Grass is not good for you!

Cream and I have been telling Goldie that he's a fattie ... coz he has put on so much weight since getting the snip... and for the last week he has been stuffing his face as per normal .. but then he dashes into the garden ... eats loads of grass ... and then spends the evening projectile vomiting in various corners of the house. The only problem is you hear him retching but don't quite see the result until you feel a moist 'something' between your toes.

Now either, we have given him a complex about his weight and he has become bulimic .. or he has simply decided to teach us for calling him fattie.

Whipped Cream & Goliath's ass

Had a great evening BBQ ... family turned up ... with a couple of additions ... no they weren't crazed blog readers ... just Goliaths in-laws. A great evening was had by all ... We played badminton and whilst several shuttlecocks were seemingly lost to the great bramble field of next doors garden, heroic efforts were made to save as many as possible. I must add at this point that I whipped Goliaths ass in Badminton ... try and deny Goliath .. I have witnesses!!!

Fancy a BBQ??

Well ... a little update for you ... no sign of idiot number 1. He hasn't rung back or darkened our doorstep. Idiot number 2 tried to get another months subscription out of me ... so I pestered them with polite but persistent emails making it clear that I had no continuing contract with them ... that their apology sans compensation is not an apology at all ... berating them for incompetent staff and generally being a pain in the arse! It worked ... But then being a pain in the arse has worked for me for years ... ask Vertigo and Goliath.

The new job is great ... I have spent the last two days setting up an intranet site for the organisation ... real challenging but such fun ... especially when you see the end result!! What else is new at this end ... Been playing badminton with Cream in the back garden ... Considering having a BBQ if the weather holds up on Sunday ... Now if Vertigo is right ... about the billion stalkers who have tracked me down by taking this blog apart and finding the clues to my location ... will appear on my doorstep expecting burgers! If you are reading this and contemplating popping round, please remember to bring a BBQ with you ... coz I ain't got one!

Do I look stupid!?!

OK ... Before Goliath, Vertigo, Visa and Cream post answers to the above question .. its rhetorical!! But there are some real stupid people on this earth!

Idiot number 1: Accosts my husband on the doorstep asking whether we are selling our property. Answer no. So he starts asking about upstairs! Husband fobs him off and he leaves his mobile number. I ring him asking him what he wants and he starts going on about being interested in buying properties (he's an estate agent then!) and wants to know whether I will extend the lease. I politely say no and he persists in asking questions. So I remind him that if he wants to buy upstairs he should go and speak to her! I wish him good luck and finish the call. He rings back and says "you're just an amateur property investor who struck lucky" Yeah ... and ??? So I tell him I'm not talking to him anymore because he is strange and so is the conversation and hang up. He rings back again!! I just pick the phone up and put it down immediately! Complete nutcase!! Probably a mate of Pinnochio!

Idiot number 2: ZTV customer services person refuse to speak to me about cancelling mothers subscription. So I ring back two hours later and say I am mum! Problem solved. Now they insist I can't cancel subscription coz the contract says I have to give one months notice and another months payments. What contract! I subscribed over the phone and never signed anything!!!

Now let this be a lesson to you all ... Both the above mentioned idiots are greedy money grabbing fools. Therefore it goes without saying that greeding after money makes you stupid. However please note greeding after food only makes you fat! Whilst greeding after chocolate makes you happy!!

Mighty Mouse

I learnt a valuable lesson today ... never try to come between a cat and a mouse. Dashed out into the garden to save something from Pav ... to find a tiny little mouse ... it did not seem bothered at all that it was being batted around by a creature, with perhaps not the best of intentions, who is 100 times bigger than itself. So I grabbed hold of Pav who fought like a wild cat ... and at this point I expected the mouse to run for its life ... instead it looks up at me as though I have told his best pal that it was time to come indoors for tea ... and strolls away shaking its head! I swear ... Pav is fighting in my arms with the strength of a billion cats ... squirming around desperately trying to release herself from my hold and mousey is taking the scenic route out of the garden ... stops for a quick break at the fence ... looks back one final time to ask whether Pav can come out to play and then strolls under the fence looking rejected. That is one mouse with guts!

Did you miss me?

Well ... it has been such a long time since I blogged ... I've been so busy .... So here's a quick catch up ... I chickened out on the wedding dress and wore a toned down brown crushed velvet number... I am absolutely loving the new job and have agreed to go permanently ... Jordan is definitely on the books if I can sort out our passports, change our annual leave dates and get a vast amount of money together ... I only managed to walk to work on three occasions over the last four weeks ... but in my defence the weather has been absolutely shite!

Have agreed with Cream that the blog and the garden have been seriously neglected these last three weeks... so we are going to spend the weekend playing Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh.

Pinocchio tells a story

Her upstairs has been on the phone trying to harass me into extending the lease. She is a better story teller than I am ... when I reminded her that her prospective (non-existent) buyer quote "did not care about the lease", she told me that it had fallen through because "he couldn't get the survey done, because he had a car accident .. on the M4 and his wife is in hospital in a coma". What next ... She'll be telling me Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction and Father Christmas is real!! Pinocchio, I can see your nose from here!

Wedding dress for sale .. only worn twice

Cream, my hubby, thinks I am mad .. we are going to a wedding on Saturday and as it is the first family wedding we are attending since getting married, it is traditional for the bride to dress appropriately. For appropriately, read "like a bride". Cream thinks this is just an excuse to get the wedding dress out of the suitcase, where it was lovingly shoved away ... Even having tried it on again, I suspect he thinks I won't actually go through with it! Oh he of little faith!

Personally, I think this is an excellent tradition ... What other culture do you get your moneys worth out of the wedding dress??

Avocado Alarm Clock

I was awoken this morning at 5.30am by an avocado .... Goldie obviously bored by his inactive companions decided to roll an avocado seed across the laminate floor for an hour! The numerous quieter toys which have been purchased over time are sitting gathering dust on the mantlepiece ... It's like a buying a kid an expensive toy only to see them play with the cheap looking box ... So anyhow after successfully covering every single inch of the laminate floor with passes that would put the England Football team to shame ... he decides a bit of wrestling is needed and decides to come and headbutt me for the next half an hour ... Don't you just love them!

Well seeing as I was up early I figured I might as well use my time constructively and walked to work again! It would seem the fitness bug has bitten the family ... I hear rumours that Goliath now rides a two wheeled chariot to work ... What ever next!!!

Little Fish getting fatter in Big Pond

Well I've been in the job a whole week and I can honestly say .... I am absolutely loving it, its the sort of environment where you are praised for being proactive and taking your own initiative ... I have impressed my bosses by how quickly I have picked stuff up ... Of course, I still have three weeks to go and things can change ...

The walking to work didn't last long ... I blame Terry Wogan personally ... but I will try to walk in again when the weather picks up. A combination of lack of exercise and the thought of that chocolate bar in the fridge means I am feeling a little blouted! But who cares ... Little fish needs to get bigger!!

Page Three models or Babies

Cream is currently trying to persuade me that we need to visit Egypt again ... not sure personally ... I mean if you've seen one pyramid, you've seen them all ... I'd love to see Jordan (No, not the busty woman ... we see far too much of her already in the papers!) The final decision will of course be very much dependent on what we can afford ... and whether we can get someone to look after the three cats ... before Goliath and Vertigo inundate me with offers of assistance ... this is undoubtably the most difficult part of taking a holiday ... Mum keeps telling me to get rid of the cats and start a family ... but who are you going to get to look after three kids for you, if you can't get someone to look after three little cats!! So I'll leave the kids to Goliath and Dejanari for the time being ... which reminds me ... I believe the new addition is due to arrive in the middle of October which is when we are planning to take a holiday!! Don't want to miss the happy event!! What to do, what to do!!

Two bottles of coke short of a picnic

I think we have a poltergeist in the house! We bought four bottles of coke ... it was a treat for Cream ... I don't normally allow Coke in the house but then I figured he was gonna sit and watch the football ... and they were on offer 4 bottles for £4. Bargain.

We packed the bags at Asda, put them in the car ... drove home ... Cream emptied the bags ... and we are missing two bottles!! Wierd ... we have searched the whole house ... even rang Asda to check we hadn't left them there!! So we have the following choices:

1. The cats are planning a sneaky midnight feast.(Sam, Goldie & Pav are sound asleep so they are unlikely culprits)
2. Cream has put it away in a very safe place and completely forgotton! (Cream can't be going senile yet ... surely?)
3. We have a thirsty poltergeist.

Scrambled Little Fish brains

No ... it's not what you think ... Mum has not been dining with Hannibal Lector again. It is the state of my mind. I am absolutely shattered. Feel like I have gone a couple of rounds with Goliath. Amazing how using your brain for the first time in nine years can tire you out!

Little Fish in Tiny Pond looking for Bigger Pond.

I am a little fish again ... after years of doing my job ... now being able to do it with my eyes shut and one hand tied behind my back ... I have now returned to not knowing a thing. First day in the new job today and it is totally different to the work I have done for the last nine ... yes count them ... nine years.

It leaves you with a feeling reminiscent of the first day at High School ... I was a big fish in Little Pond Junior School ... and suddenly arrived at Big Pond High School and was a tiny, puny, insignificant minnow. Remember that feeling of apprehension yet excitement? Well today was the same.

I was shown the ropes by a friendly enough temp .. only problem was .. I wasn't told what the ropes were connected to or what would happen if I pulled them. So I'd make a crap bell ringer at this stage .. assaulting your ears with a variety of notes but nowhere near a tune!! I am impressed that I managed to survive the day though and to be honest I enjoyed the challenge.

I am also impressed with myself because I walked to and from work ... and it took me just 40 minutes and 5245 steps each way. No ... I didn't count them, I borrowed Cream's pedometer/radio. Only problem was I couldn't figure out how to change the channel and had to endure Terry Wogan for 40 minutes! But then I suppose they do say "no pain, no gain"!

Marriage Vows

Cream: Don't forget .. for better and for worse.
Xzsara: Yeah .. but how come you get all the "better" bits and I get the "worse"

Deja vu ... again???

Wednesday afternoon at my workplace, a person was deprived of his freedom and placed in a confined space. In frustration and an explosion of pent up emotions, he wrecked the space he was in and violently hit out at anything or anyone. Police had to be called in.

In the early hours of the Thursday morning in the Big Brother house, ten people deprived of their freedom and placed in a confined space, in frustration and an explosion of pent up emotions, wrecked the space they were in and violently hit out at anything or anyone. Police had to be called in.

Air Conditioning not working ... Be scared ... Be very scared ....

Well a bit of excitement at work today ... One of the prisoners went into a violent rage (nothing out of the usual)... tore his cell to pieces (does happen sometimes) ... managed to break out by climbing into the roof space & air ducting (now that is original and inventive!) So all exits were locked and we duly waited for him to pop his head out of the air-conditioning vents. Unfortunately, it being such a large building, he managed to evade the grasp of the jailers and the armed police had to be called in. So while everyone else was being evacuated from the building, I have to type warrants for the other poor buggers, who were quietly sitting in their cells enjoying lunch and watching the drama unfold, so that they could be returned to Prison. All of this whilst watching the ceiling for any suspicious sounding creaks and groans. All in a days work!!

How Lib Dems have changed my life ....

Flicking channels ... "The weather is expected to" .... "What if God was one of us" ...."Doh" ..... "The Lib Dems have done well in the elections" .. so I stop flicking, thinking Dad will be pleased and see an old face from the past, staring at me from the screen, standing next to Kennedy! Had to take another look but sure enough, there he was, a little larger than I remember from University days ... (but who am I kidding ... like I'm still a size 8!) but nonetheless still the same face!

Gets you to thinking ... what you can do with your life ... beginning to wonder now ... should do something with my life ... Ok .. so I am a Samaritan ... all well and good ... giving back to the community .... But then you reminisce about all your old dreams. How when you were young, you thought you were gonna be rich and famous or change the world or discover the cure for cancer ... When you really believed that God had a real purpose for putting you on this Earth. Whatever happened to that feeling ... I lost it along the way somewhere but I'm not sure when ... or why?

Amazing how a face from the past can make you re-evaluate your whole life. I mean I wouldn't mind ... but he's a Lib Dem MEP!!

Delayed Pleasure

Well back to the chocolate in my hand ... Have decided to take Vertigo's advice (see comment to Blog doesn't revolve around you) and put it in the fridge. The company has agreed that I may take the new job for a test drive ... I can have it for four weeks and if I don't like it, I can go back to my old job ... Very nice of them ... I suspect that they are aware that once I've settled in , I won't want to return to the old comfortable job ... they may be right! So the chocolate bar is now firmly in the fridge. New job starts on Tuesday ... and if all is well four weeks later I can savour my chocolate!

Deja vu???

This morning I went down to Gladstone Park tennis courts and played tennis with Goliath. (For 'played tennis' please read ... I ran around the court a lot... chasing balls I was unable to hit, and looking really stupid ... the ones I managed to hit, as they sliced through the air around me, went in every direction except the one I was aiming for ... Goliath even spent ten minutes on his mobile phone to Dejanari and still managed to continue playing with one hand, while I struggled!) Summary of match: I was crap .. he beat me ... I lost.

Watched England play France in Euro 2004 ...........

Heavyweight Championship of the World ... Tickets available here.

It has come to my attention that my blog is being abused by certain individuals (ie Vertigo and Goliath) as a tool in their vendetta against one another ... Now surely this is not fair to taint such a work of art with petty squabbles???!!

Now it certainly may be that Visa, Vertigo's husband (the self-proclaimed Enforcer)may also have a hand in this .... Dejanari is worryingly quiet too. So my suggestion is for a boxing match between Vertigo and Goliath with their respective spouses in their corners. Cream has offered to referee to ensure a fair fight. All bets are now being taken for the Heavyweight Championship of the World.

The Blog doesn't revolve around you, you know!

Sometimes I fear that no-one is actually reading my blog ... I mean it's got to be a bad sign when you start posting comments to your own blog!!

Colonel Mustard in the garden with lead piping?

I should be happy today .. I have finally been given the salary which truly reflects my managerial position after a pay banding review ... this may have been quickened up by the fact that I have been offered another position ... perhaps it has nothing to do with it, except inflating my ego ... who knows ... Nonetheless, I am now left at a huge fork in the road .... down one side a dark alley where I can't quite make out any details .... on the other a relatively pleasant unadventurous but circular walk ... if I take the 'easy' route I will return to this fork yet again in time ... if I take the unknown route ... who knows. Have to make a decision this weekend! I have been delaying the decision for some time now ... it has been about five weeks since they offered me the job .. but they have been very patient and understanding about waiting for my reply. But there is only so long you can hold a bar of chocolate in your hand before it begins to melt away into nothing ... you need to take the moment and eat it or alternatively throw it away before your hands get dirty ..

Or in the case of Cream, there is only so long that you can leave a corpse under a flowerpot before the flies catch on. Cream returned home today to find a poor bird dead on the patio ... Now the immediate blame is laid on Pav, the usual suspect. It is unlikely to be Goldie, who has never caught a living thing in his life (except one horrifically large spider) and being the ever ambitious fisherman, is still waiting for the big one! He's always aiming for the fattest wood pigeon and never quite getting it. Sam wouldn't bother chasing things that she won't eat .. too much like hard work ... much better to sit and relax in the sun and wait for the food to come to her. So, all three are vehemently denying being involved at all. To be fair to them, there has been a tabby sniffing around ... it could be him ... or there is the vixen and her two cubs. In any case, Cream decided to preserve the scene of the crime for me rather than inter the poor creature or disturb any important clues. Thanks ... anyone for a game of Cluedo??

Dr Dolittle and the art of conversation.

Went down to the park tonight to feed the geese, moorhens, ducks, swans and all the chicks and cygnets ... It is wonderfully peaceful down there .. until the geese realise you have loaves of bread ... then you are lucky to get a slice out of the packaging before being pecked to death by ravenous geese.

Talking about ravenous looks ... Sam staring at me now ... staring at the keyboard ... nudging my hand ... nustling up to me ... she obviously wants something ...... Sam sorted ... she wanted food ...

Sams back again ... it's like having a baby ... thankfully however no nappies to change. They can't tell you what they want, so you play this game of charades. Strange cat ... she takes me back to her plate to show me she is eating ... just in case I thought she wasn't the first time.

Sams back again ... I am obviously doing something wrong .... ok ... its not a cuddle she wants .... finally figured it out ..... she wants to, rejlsdfhas ahfuoasd ususi aeoriioehho aeosh agaagija, sit on the keyboard. Purring away happily now. So that was Sams contribution to the blog. She is probably trying to tell me something really important (Skippy style)... like Cream has fallen down the well or something. Either that or she is on comission from Meowlingual. Well I shall leave you to figure out exactly what Sams typed message is. Suggestions on a post card please.

Long heated discussion

Too hot to blog .....

Moth sex and grass

Decided on my maximum offer on the property above my head ... told her I had two choices ... raise the money she wants (way above what it is worth!) and be financially broke OR await her lease extension, where she would have to pay all my solicitors fees and just rake in the money. She did not seem too pleased. Shame that.

Went back to work today after two weeks at home ... had to drag myself out of bed! There were some benefits to going to work though.

1. Nice drive in ... amazing to see the Stadium arch being raised ... beginning to look good. Quite spectacular from some angles ... coming from Staples corner, down the North Circular you get a glimpse and it makes you want to burst out singing "Its coming home .... " Or some other footballish song.
What do you think of Wembley Stadium Arch

2. Air conditioned offices ... it was so hot today that I got a sun tan on my 15mins drive to work. Serious. I am not sure I could have made it if I was stuck at home in this heat. Sam and Goldie have been lounging under any shade they could find and now are happily lying on the cool laminate floors. Might join them.

3. No, there isn't a 3.

Absolutely lovely evening ... watched the sunset ... whilst screaming for Pav to return from her latest expedition. Watched moths copulating on the window. Admired Creams newly mown lawn. Pav is back sans trophy. No funerals tonight.

The Cats that got the Cream

OK ... so you have met one woman and her blog ... and a couple of related creatures ... I figure you're asking yourself where the three cats are? Yes they do actually exist ... all adorable ... even though I may be biased (Waiting for comment from Feline-hating Vertigo!) They were ruled under my dictatorship (Saddam style)... I took no messing around and expected them all to get on together whatever their feline beliefs ... I treated them all equally and when I said "No" I meant "If you give me those sad eyes again, you are gonna regret it". Then the cats got Cream. My husband joining the household has had an real impact on the balance of power. He believes (Bush style) that the cats have been oppressed too long and deserve freedom from such an evil tyrant. So they now .. sit at the dining room table whilst we eat dinner, waiting for Creamgate ... a scandal of illegal scrap dealing under the table, secretly condoned by Cream! They also manage to miracuously open pouches of whiskas themselves, when there are perfectly good plates of dry crunchies around. Strange that??? Sam (the eldest) has perfected the "I am going to shit in this litter tray unless you let me out in the back garden now" and Cream falls for it every time. I just respond with "Yeah ... poo away ... make my day" There is only so much straining a cat can do before it is obvious that there is nothing there, and she has to pad back into the front room with her tail between her legs and an evil stare! Pav (pure black but more 'chocolate' on closer inspection) loves to explore, a bit like the explorers of old who thought it was a good idea to return with a trophy or two! We manage to save most of them, but occasionally we have to give them a good funeral ... And Goldie (the newest member) a year old tom, who was born as a stray but now lives in luxury. Proof of the NW9 dream ... 'rags to riches' ... or should that be 'nice sofa covers to fur covered shreds of fabric'!

Are you sitting comfortably?

Well let me tell you a story ... always wanted to present Jackanory! Anyhow ... Let me explain the last entry.

Goliaths Googlies ~ my mum, Hannibal Lecter style, enjoys delicacies which you and I would run screaming from. On this one occasion, she brought home ... well to put it delicately I believe they are called sweetbread ... They didn't look too sweet to me. Suffice to say she cooks them up with great drama while Dad winced and the whole family refused to eat them. Goliath later that day came downstairs, going commando and his family jewels happened to catch Dads eye ... "You better put those away son ... if your mum sees them she'll be cooking them too!"
You will be happy to know that Goliaths googlies were rescued from mum. If you need proof ... may I point out that Goliath and Dejanari are soon to be parents!!

The Sex Machine ~ another my mum story .. A prospective suitor for my hand approached my mum and asked to see me. I refused to even consider being paraded around ... I was a bit of a feminist you know ... until I knew enough information about him. So mum tottered away, phoned the prospectives, spent half an hour on the phone, came back and sat down. "They will be round on Tuesday." I scream at mum ... "You don't know anything about him, mum ... he could be an axe-murderer ... Do you even know what he does for a living?" Wait for it ... It is a classic .... She replies, in front of the whole family and with no idea of what she is actually saying .... "He's a sex machine!"
The prospectives had mentioned that he ran a firm selling fax machines ... easy mistake to make mum. But you got be proud of a mum who thinks of her daughters happiness!

Goliaths Googlies and the Sex Machine

I have inspired Vertigo to keep a journal ... She is going to be capturing classic family one liners and memorable events. Inspiration from up high?

Vertigo on her way up!

Sister has now arrived on the scene. Hmmmm ... gets more interesting ... tempted to post picture of her when she was a tad bit younger ... she might get upset though .. lets see .... Well she definately didn't like that .... I thought it was a fair comment on our relationship ... picture of young me wiping my boggies on her skirt! She didn't like it. :(

Goliath is back!?!

OK ... now I am scared ... have mentioned my blog to my blessed brother who will no doubt post some rude comments or do something strange with it.

Give the girl a handkerchief!

Young Xzsara .... aaahhhh ....

To blog or not to blog?

As always when I have a million and one things to do it is always easier to find another task, which is completely unrelated to my mission for the the day ... which means I can genuinely explain all the hours I have spent not doing the task at hand. Today I have discovered blogging. This means I have spent a limited amount of time sorting out a mortgage and deciding whether I can afford to buy the property above my head (more on this later). This decision needs to be made by Sunday. I am out tonight and Saturday no doubt I shall find another time-consuming and equally useless task.